Indians Abroad On Navigating Tug-Of-War Between Ambitions And Family

Amrita, a New York-based engineer, believes her day is incomplete without checking on her mother's health. Every morning, she starts her day with a call to her mother, ensuring she has taken her medication, eaten good food, and is feeling well. "Did you go for a walk today?" she sternly inquires. The routine is more than just a habit for Amrita; it is a lifeline connecting her to her family, who live continents apart in India. Working abroad, Amrita seeks a balance between her career aspirations and daughterly responsibilities. 

This juxtaposition reveals a struggle that many young adults face as they embark on a new chapter of their lives in a different country-- The guilt of meeting greater professional goals versus being there for their ageing parents back home is a conflict that tugs at their heartstrings.

Dilemma: Career vs Family

For South Asians, the guilt of leaving their family behind feels intensified, owing to the symbiotic relationship between cultural expectations and emotional bonds. Most of us grow up in a family where mutual care and close-knit relationships are deeply ingrained values. 

Thus, leaving behind ageing parents to pursue a life abroad feels like a detour from our culture, a comfort space that our parents built for us. Nusrat Amin, a UP-native business administration student in Germany agrees. "It was a difficult choice to make," she expressed, speaking to SheThePeople.

Recalling her emotions before moving to a foreign country, Amin said, "Sending me to study in Germany was not easy for my family. When I finally got the chance to come here, the idea of leaving my parents behind was unsettling after everything they have done for me."

Amin continued, "The day I moved into my dorm, I felt extremely grateful for my parents' support but it also pricked me that they weren't here with me. As much as our parents feel proud of us studying abroad, I'm sure they would like us to be with them and take care of them."

Home Sickness And Guilt

The dream to lead a new life, in a new country with new peers, is something a lot of us have seen. However, is achieving this ambition truly as glamorous as it sounds? "Not really," says Snehitha from Kerala, who has been living in California, United States, for about three years.

"I come from a small town where everyone knew each other and saw each other grow up together. So moving to a new country, where I don't feel belonged even among other Indian students, has been very emotionally challenging for me. I feel home sick too often," she expressed.

Like Snehitha, her elder sister Anjitha, who is pursuing a career in communications in Pennsylvania, United States, struggles with the woe of staying away from her family. Although the sisters are living in the same country, the fact that they are divided by distance makes her feel isolated.

Anjitha said, "Our father underwent a minor surgery in Kozhikode last year and neither of us sisters could even eat or sleep well for days. Our parents assured us that he is doing well but we could not contain our anxiety for not being there in person and taking the responsibility to help."

She further expressed, "Coming here, I realised that financially supporting my family is not enough. It feels painful that I am not able to emotionally take care of my old parents. Nor am I able to pay my 'elder sister dues' to Snehitha whenever she is feeling lonely, so I often feel guilty."

Creating A Balance

Coming from Maharashtra, Abhyuday Sinha, a business student in California, US, too struggled with the pain for leaving his family behind to pursue a career abroad. Moreover, he felt that although his university had abundant Indian students, they still felt a sense of lost connection.

That was when he decided to organise an informal community group for South Asian students on campus to help them engage with each other, exchange stories, bond over shared culture, and more. What started as a seven-member group soon flourished into a 23-member-strong squad.

NRIs with Ageing Parents

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"I noticed that most of us desi people were just afraid of aproaching each other and opening up even though we were all facing the same issues. In September 2023, I put out a social media post calling all of them to meet up at a place on campus where we can all just chill, and that's how this it started," he said.

He added, "The goal was to simply make a support group for all us home-sick desis and I didn't expect that much of a response. I honestly just wanted to make friends on campus. But now our huge group is continuously growing and we celebrate festivals, talk about home, etc."

Sinha shared that finding a homely community was necessary as it helps with emotional support while away from family. Talking to likeminded individuals has helped in easing the guilt and loneliness that most South Asians abroad faced. "Its has just been beautiful!" he expressed.

The support group created by Sinha is a testament to the power of cultural synonymity in forming human connections. The decision to live abroad is a challenging one, yet finding a likeminded community can alleviate the feelings of loneliness and helplessness.

While staying away from ageing parents can be an emotional burden, finding ways to stay connected and creating supportive environments can make a significant difference. Young adults from India have been navigating this journey prioritizing quality time and balancing responsibilities.