Beyond Loving & Mushy, Tracing Many Shades Of Mom-Daughter Relationship

Do you remember the mother-daughter duo in the movie Hum Saath Saath Hain? Now picture the mother-daughter duo of the movie Love You Zindagi. What is the difference? The former mother-daughter duo share a loving and caring relationship with no questions asked. But the latter one involves conflicts, disagreement and even trauma. You might think what is my point behind this comparison? Well, it is just to show how the relationship between mothers and daughters has changed over the years. 

Mothers and daughters belong to different generations.

The patriarchal generation of mothers

Mothers hail from the generation when patriarchy had a stronger hold with the absence of any powerful initiative to uproot it. They have grown up believing in a patriarchal culture and internalising its norms and beliefs. Even if some mothers were rebellious or privileged enough to seek education, they couldn't control the fate of their married lives. It was as if you could take one freedom but at the cost of forsaking another. So mothers have grown up believing that women do not get everything they dream of. 

The feminist generation of the daughters

On the other hand, daughters belong to the generation in which patriarchy is present but as a lurker behind the initiatives of women's empowerment. Ideas of feminism have permeated into the minds of almost every woman of today's generation. Women now consider their worth and self-respect more important. They are also determined to follow their dreams and live them. So daughters believe that no woman must be devoid of freedom. 

Now, if you bring both personalities together, there will be inevitable clashes. While mothers would ask their daughters to limit themselves, the daughters would vehemently disagree. If daughters would want to make their own choices, mothers would feel left out and ignored. Mothers and daughters of today's generation would rarely agree on anything. Hence, the stereotype of a mushy and loving relationship between daughters and mothers has been torn down.

What connects mothers and daughters despite clashes 

However, despite the generation gap, there is one bond that keeps mothers and daughters connected. Womanhood. The day mothers start valuing themselves by imbibing the feminism of their daughters, they will no longer be toxic. On the other hand, once daughters understand the patriarchal conditioning of their mothers and how difficult it is to unlearn them, they will empathise and help their mothers unlearn.

No matter how many clashes and arguments mothers and daughters have, at the end of the day, daughters seek comfort in their mothers based on common lived experiences. A good mother-daughter relationship is not too rigid and there is no space for questions and changes. A healthy mother-daughter relationship is the one which provides the space for arguments, disagreements and changes. Do you know why?

"What comes easy won't last long, and what lasts long won't come easy,"- Francis Kong

Views expressed are the author's own.