Mom Friendships Made Through School Going Kids Help Women Grow, Soar

We haven't given school mother friendships their due yet. These friendships bring us out of our bubbles as we watch our kids grow. 

All mothers experience the butterflies in their stomach, on the first day, when she has to drop off their child at school. It is a mixed bag of emotions. She experiences doubts about her parenting skills, did she raise them well? Will they be able to cope? Hope it won’t be too hard on their hearts and minds. Also wishing they do well in school. 

The female bonding and sisterhood I needed

Added to this avalanche of conflicting emotions is also the dream of the children becoming independent in the new environment as they discover the world of school life with timetables, studies, kind and mean teachers, the security of lifelong school friends, the failures and the victories. 

As the school gates shut, mothers are seen standing outside trying to hold on to the sight of their tiny tots, with their bags and water bottles being ushered into the classrooms. It is here where the words “let them fly” hit them hard. Mothers smile hesitantly at one another and then share details of their children to form a new kind of extremely special female friendship. 

The school mothers bond, over WhatsApp groups, finding supporters for one another and also many times lifelong friendships. The crux of the equation is the common aspect of the same class, your child shares with the band of the mothers. The issues faced, the advice and the answers to questions about your child that only a peer can provide. 

This type of school-mother friendship and the power of female bonding are not celebrated enough yet. 

We talk about school and college girlfriends being very good for our heart and health but we don’t discuss enough about the school mother’s friendships that last for years on end. There are some you reach out to in times of confusion, school conflicts and just the troop of these women who will babysit your children if you ever have a challenge in your personal life. 

One does also hears horror stories of mother mafias in school groups. Apparently in these groups, there is a mother who is Queen B and she can decide who enters or exits these groups for little children. If your child will be invited to the birthday bash? Based on social strata mothers also mingle. It can be very mean I am told. 

In my experience, I have had the great luck of finding lifelong friendships in my school group of mothers. So the mother mafia madness, I can’t relate to. But the ones who endure this can find it very daunting to break into such kind of mother groups. 

If you are a mother like me who has shifted cities, it is doubly difficult to start friendships where the other person aligns with your life goals. 

Friendships that are long-lasting

With a supportive, warm mother group, you can do the lunches, while the child is in school, making life easy as you both understand the cut-off time of your own. the conversations about your children, paediatrician details, remedies for allergies, colds and fever, all discussed, thrashed out and one feels lighter post these interactions. 

I have had the great fortune of unbelievably compassionate, intelligent and sorted women on my school crew. These women were my go-to people as we together went through the highs and lows of raising our children. So a huge part of raising my child was full of helpful women. We had a WhatsApp group and like the little black book with all the remedies, advice and numbers of more women with whom I could share issues and find solutions for challenges that one faces with raising a child. 

As children grow. They start the phase of their rebellion. This is the tough patch. I remember I used to reach out to the group of mommies when we knew that the kids were lying, going to bars having sleepovers in one of our homes and disconnecting the mother’s phone call till it became unreachable. 

But in our WhatsApp group, one mother always had the location and information on their whereabouts. You could say our Detective Holmes skills were on point. 

I admit, I was an involved mother, and like all mothers, thinking of the worst, if my child’s phone was unreachable. Till one mother friend gently pointed out to me that in a few months, the kids would leave the state or the country for their future studies and I must trust their maturity.  It was difficult to soak this in. But just the reassuring voice of another mother, in the same boat, helped me swim through my stormy seas. 

Therefore, I think it’s time to talk about the school-mother friendships that see us through some of our toughest phases. We can still meet and laugh at the anecdotes of the children while they were growing up.   

Some of us have continued the friendship even though our children are now across continents and I have to say that these are among my most cherished relationships ever. The support system that many women can’t find among in-laws or relatives is found in these gem of women, the school mother groups.

Mohua Chinappa is an author, and a podcaster and is the Co-founder of Asmee, a video casting platform where we celebrate every woman and her story.

Views expressed by the author are their own.

Suggested reading: Call Me By Any Name: Housewife Or Homemaker; What I Need Is Respect