Women Deserve So Much More Than 'Conditional' Respect

To respect a woman, you don't have to be a Superman with some kind of omnipotence. You just need to be a human. However, our society thinks differently. Respecting a woman is not a norm but a skill that needs to be learnt. People are not born with natural respect for women but they gain it as they fall in love with women around them. But, is this right? Should respect for women be conditional? Shouldn't it be a feeling that comes automatically? 

Just yesterday, the world celebrated International Women's Day. But today, everyone is back to looking for reasons to respect a woman who crossed their path.

How unknown women face harassment daily

Recently, a case was registered in which a woman constable was harassed while she was on her duty. The man, Janak Ram, was in a drunken state when he used a sexually coloured remark to address the constable. He allegedly said, "kya darling, challan karne aayi hai kya? (Hi, darling, have you come to impose a fine?)". This is not the only case of disrespect that women face on a regular basis. Ask any woman who travels daily, she will tell you how she often faces street harassment by men who call out names, sing offensive songs or intentionally touch her.  Holi is around the corner and the only word that women can relate to it is harassment and not colours.

Men have mansplained respect too

This was about men disrespecting unknown women. Now let us come to men disrespecting women they know. Men in our society tend to undermine the efforts and ambitions of women in their families. They tend to mansplain everything- the clothes women should wear, the careers they should pursue or the people they should be in contact with. If men really respected women, they would respect their freedom to make life choices too. Rather, men distort the definition of respect by making it similar to control. They control the lives of the women in their families in the guise of 'love, care and protection'.  

When respect is defined in terms of control, it becomes difficult for men to respect unknown women. Since they can't control the decisions of the unknown women, they tend to assume that the women do not deserve to be respected. In short, a woman is respectable only if she is in control of a man. Not a shock then that women without husbands or fathers are seen as public property. 

Why are men never taught to respect women for who they are? Why are men made to believe that women are their responsibilities? Why can't men respect women without any conditions? 

Women have to respect every man- even those who harassed them

On the contrary, women in our society are expected to respect men no matter what. Since childhood, women are taught to be submissive in front of men, irrespective of the relationship or age. I remember I had to touch the feet of the men in my family who harassed me, assaulted their wives and cracked sexist jokes. But women don't get the option to not respect a man. A man with the power invested in him by patriarchy is the most powerful entity in society. Everything works in a pattern that fuels their ego and retains their power. In such a situation, how can a woman oppose a man? If she does, she is pushed to the fringes by the system that makes it difficult for her to survive. 

Men in our society have the freedom to disrespect women if they don't fulfil their conditions but women have to respect even those men who outrage their modesty. Where is the fault? To start with, in the upbringing. It is time now that parents teach their sons to respect women unconditionally. Every son should be given lessons on consent, freedom and gender equality. On the other hand, women should be taught to speak up against oppression. Pointing out someone's mistake is not always disrespectful. Living with oppression and ignoring every mistake of the other is certainly harmful to self-respect. 

Once men start respecting women unconditionally and women start preserving self-respect unconditionally, society will be a better place to survive.  

Views expressed are the author's own.