Ego Vs. Reality: Why Men's Perceptions Of Their Abilities Don't Always Align

Do men tend to overestimate their abilities? Do they think they should be extraordinary to be accepted in society? Apparently yes. Men do consider themselves extraordinarily powerful, especially in the sense of physical strength. We are living in an era when superheroes and alpha men are praised and considered role models. Men who fight with groups of goons on their own, men who lift filled gas cylinders on their shoulders, and men who can 'protect' women through their presence are still hailed. But is it right to expect such extraordinariness from men? 

Today, I came across a reel on Instagram that talked about how men are delusional when it comes to their abilities. Vishen Lakhiani, CEO of Mindvalley, talked about research that says that 55 percent of American men think that they can safely land a Boeing 747 if the pilot faints. Moreover, 70 percent of men think that their driving skills are above average.

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How Patriarchy has moulded the image of toxic masculinity 

The 'mard ko dard nhi hota' concept also comes from this delusion. Men don't want to appear weak in front of society. They want to preserve their image of a sturdy and rough man who can fight out everything. But the reality is different. No matter how much you exert yourself in the gym and strengthen your muscles, you can't fight the stereotypes of patriarchy if you don't realise that they exist. 

Patriarchy has moulded an image of men that is being carried through generations as the ideal. Men fight their own instincts to match that image because anything less will invite criticism of not being manly enough. This is what toxic masculinity means. The definition of masculinity actually makes men feel pressured to the extent that they lose their sense of themselves. Their inner selves are constantly in battle with the constructed image of themselves, which is trying to meet the unreasonable expectations of society. There is no ground for failure because that will mean ostracization and criticism that often lead to adverse consequences. 

Unreasonable expectations from men 

Men in our society are expected to take care of the finances of the entire family at a very young age. After the father, the son is considered to be the caretaker of the house. If men expect women to take charge or even help them out with their responsibilities, they are criticised for not being man enough. Then, the responsibility of the ageing parents is also on the man of the house, no matter how much he is struggling in his personal or professional life. Men can't cry, men can't wear make-up or dresses, men can't cook or walk into the kitchen, and men can't express their vulnerabilities because all these are signs of 'weakness' and hence feminine. Another very important part of men's lives is sexual harassment. It is a shame if men talk about sexual harassment or are survivors of it. 

But did these social constructs about masculinity make the reality any better? No, rather worse.

Adverse effects of toxic masculinity 

Studies say that men are increasingly giving in to the pressures of depression and other mental health issues. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), the suicide rate among males is twice that of females. In the United States, nearly 80% of suicides are committed by males, a staggering statistic reported by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). 

So what does society really want by fixating on the definitions of masculinity or femininity? Why can't it accept the fluidity of identity? Why is it okay to lose men to mental health diseases but not to change the status quo that is spreading toxic masculinity like an epidemic? 

Dear men, it might take a really long time to change the way society thinks. But as humans, we have a very short span of life. It is better that you do what makes you feel happy and satiated. Don't give in to social expectations, but rather fulfil your desires and needs. The world and families will benefit from men who are alive and happy, not from those who are unhappy, toxic, and on the verge of sacrificing their existence. Make your own definition of manhood and be accepting of its fluidity. Women, too, want men who support them in every stage of life. Toxic masculinity will not help anyone but only encourage patriarchy, which is the reason behind the backwardness of the country. 

Views expressed are the author's own.