'You Deserve Better': Men Must Stop With This Gaslight Attitude

"You deserve better" How many times have you heard your male partners or relatives say this? I am sure many times because it is the habit of the men in our society to dictate what is right for their women. Even though some men might say this out of concern, their concern comes from a misplaced thought process- that women cannot make decisions for themselves. But do you know what? We women are adept with the skills to make the right choices. If only society allows us the freedom to choose. 

Women in the house make the meal but who decides what will be cooked? Women have the desire to be educated and employed but who decides whether their desire would be fulfilled? Women want to live but who decides whether they will be given birth or not? Men. Or all those who have the patriarchal mindset that women cannot be independent. 

My worst break-up experience 

Similarly, I came across many men who tried to make decisions for me. I am talking about men I met in my dating life. Almost every man I dated said the same thing- "You deserve better". To every those men, I had the same reply- who are you to decide that? And the next thing was breaking up. They broke up with me because they thought I deserved someone better. Isn't this amusing yet very toxic? 

I know what you are thinking. Those men were simply not interested and they made excuses to look good. They wanted it to appear as a relationship in which the man took the high road by sacrificing his happiness for the woman. But the reality is just not the same. These men in no way sacrificed anything. They just thought that it was normal for a man to make decisions for a woman. That the woman, me in this case, is ignorant enough to not find the right guy to date. And this normalcy was the red flag that made me quit the relationship. 

In dating lives, many women romanticise their male partners' control over them. They ignore dominance as love and care and say yes to everything wrong or illegal. Similarly, in my case, my partners expected me to blindly believe their effort to gaslight me by assuring me that I was not mature enough to make the right decisions. For once, their words did make me introspect if I am really not aware of my needs and wants in life. But thanks to Universe, I did not go ahead with that self-doubt. 

Women are independent; Men can support, not rule

It is very common in our society for women to believe that men take care of them. While some men might do so out of concern and love, it still doesn't justify the fact that women cannot make decisions. If men want to help, they are very welcome. They can support women, and advise them without expecting a hard and fast commitment that women will adhere to what they say. Even after helping, men need not think that the woman is helpless. Women always help men- they literally wash their clothes. But do they get any right over the lives of the men? No right? And we have never found any fault in it. 

I always believe in the idea that before wanting someone else in life, women should take care of themselves. Only when women are able enough to address their problems in life they should let someone else meddle in their lives. It is time we teach our women the need to be independent. So that they can find such red flags in relationships and quit out of lifetime imprisonment to male entitlement. It's okay if they commit mistakes. It is their life. Why can't we accept this small idea that women own their lives? 

 Views expressed are the author's own.