Does Maintaining Separate Finances Strain Marriages? Women Speak Up

In the complex dance of love and partnership, modern relationships are seeing a shift—a change in how couples handle the mix of money and emotions. It's like creating the perfect playlist, finding the right balance between financial harmony and romantic tunes. Whether it's a straightforward 50-50 arrangement or a more jazzed-up 60-40, having open conversations and recognising the impact of finances on relationships is the key to a smooth performance. Let's be real—money matters are the soundtrack of life, which has melodies of freedom and independence. Without control over these melodies, you're stuck in a soundtrack that no woman wants in the beautiful playlist of relationships.

In simple terms, women in modern relationships have evolved, valuing independence and equality. Women now approach relationships with an emphasis on mutual growth, balancing personal pursuits with shared goals, however the persisting stereotype that dictates the man is the sole financial authority in a family, the pertinent question arises: when a woman opts for financial accountability and separates her finances, does it lead lead to marital breakdowns or persistent conflicts?

SheThePeople delved into the personal narratives of modern women who've weathered the storms of long-term marriage, mastering the dos and don'ts. Whether seasoned in committed partnerships or those embarking on the journey of shared companionship, join us on a captivating exploration. Discover how these women skillfully navigate the delicate balance between financial independence and matters of the heart.

Let's Hear It From Married Women Navigating Financial Independence

Shivani Kapila, also known as 'Little Glove,' a YouTuber and content creator based in Surat, emphasises the significance of financial independence in her relationship. According to her, "It's really important! Security, independence, and stability come from financial independence, so I definitely believe they are important." 

Ragini Daliya, an experienced journalist enjoying a content marriage living in Siliguri, concurs with the idea and expresses, “It's a wise decision to take charge of things independently rather than relying on someone even for the simplest matters. Financial independence is extremely, extremely important for me. I have always perceived myself as a highly independent individual, and I believe that financial stability is one aspect of my personality that provides me with a confidence boost.”

Mini Rani, a mother of two with 14 years of marriage and a professional in academia in Mumbai, also believes in the wisdom of separating love and money. Exploring her perspective, she elaborates, "For personal needs, we handle expenses individually, but when it comes to EMIs and shared costs, we distribute the financial responsibilities." According to Rani, this separation is crucial for maintaining mental stability and avoiding dependency.

Allows The Relationship To Thrive Independently

Expressing on the same on how maintaining separate finances for shared goals, doesn't disrupt or cause conflicts but instead allows the relationship to thrive independently, Dailya remarks, "We aim to be flexible with our financial goals. While we share common objectives like purchasing a car, which we have accomplished and planning to buy a house, we try not to burden ourselves excessively. We set separate goals to ensure a more relaxed approach."

Sreelekha Menon, a mother of one from Kochi and an experienced professional in human resources, however, underscores the significance of making crucial decisions early in a relationship. According to her, when a couple decides to start a family, they must acknowledge the impending expenses and agree on a shared financial approach based on their earnings ratio. She advocates, "It could be a 50-50 split if both partners earn equally."

Menon adds, "I believe in establishing clear boundaries in financial matters, regardless of the love and respect shared in a relationship. If one partner isn't prudent in their spending habits, it can inevitably lead to conflicts over money matters, which is not good for any relationship. It's crucial to have open discussions and set clear boundaries to avoid such issues."

Open Communication: Team Work Is All That Is Needed

Pragya Prakash, a recently married corporate professional working for a multinational company in Pune, echoes Menon's sentiments, emphasising the importance of starting a new relationship with a foundation of financial awareness and responsibilities. Expanding on this, she states, "It's all about balance. Maintaining individual financial independence alongside shared responsibilities allows for a healthy and happier relationship." 

She stresses that the key to achieving this balance, though challenging, lies in effective communication. She adds, "A balanced approach with open communication is all we need. You just need to have a thoughtful balance, open discussion, and mutual respect." She says that in the end, it's not gender-based, but it's more about how you both manage things together in your relationship."

Highlighting the importance of communication, Kapila also underscores how she and her partner maintain transparency around money matters in their relationship. Kapila also stresses that gender is not a defining factor in their approach, it is teamwork. She explains, "We have the same goals, and since we're working towards them together, they are a bit aspirational. We maintain clarity about finances and also allow personal space for saving. As a team, we collaborate on our financial objectives."

No matter how much communication takes place, disagreements and agreements are inherent in relationships. Shedding light on the disagreements, Dailya acknowledges, "I won't lie. We did face disagreements, especially in the early stages of our married life. However, we made efforts to communicate and postponed certain decisions, but eventually, we circled back and had open discussions."

Based on the gathered insights, it's evident that maintaining separate finances in marriages is perceived as a positive practice, contributing to the strength and longevity of relationships. This approach ensures that neither party bears the sole responsibility, fostering a sense of independence and shared accountability in sustaining the bond.