The Unequal Burdern: Motherhood And The Myth of Having It All

Can women have it all? Lily Allen thinks not!! The “Smile” singer said, “It annoys me when people say you can have it all because, quite frankly, you can’t.” Germaine Greer, in her book, The Whole Woman (1999) attacked the notion that women are ‘having it all’. The same sentiments echo the pain of Lily Allen who finds it pretty much impossible to juggle her career as a pop star and be an involved mother. 

During a Radio Times Podcast released on March 12, she said, “I never really have a strategy when it comes to career, but yes, my children ruined my career. I mean, I love them and they complete me, but in terms of pop stardom, totally ruined it.”

Lily Allen isn’t complaining. She adores her two daughters. So, before you come up with your prejudiced notions and presumptions, just note: She isn’t complaining, but merely stating a fact. The fact that how motherhood, child-rearing and ethics of care are still an impediment to women’s liberation. 

"Yes, my children ruined my career!"

Lily Allen talks about the difficult balancing act of motherhood and being a pop star on the Radio Times Podcast, explaining that she decided to step back and focus on her kids.⁠ pic.twitter.com/QpyMlJprrA

— Pigeons & Planes (@PigsAndPlans) March 13, 2024

The Unequal Burden: Motherhood and the Myth of "Having It All"

Society celebrates the "ethics of care," lauding women's nurturing nature. But what about the ethics of fairness? Motherhood, often seen as a pinnacle of womanhood, unfairly burdens women, pushing them out of professional advancement and perpetuating the "have it all" myth.

Germaine Greer, in her seminal work The Female Eunuch, criticised the "biological trap" of motherhood, highlighting how societal expectations confine women. Adrienne Rich echoed this sentiment in Of Woman Born, calling motherhood a "political institution" that limits women's agency.

The reality is stark. Child-rearing, primarily women's responsibility, disrupts careers. Long hours and the emotional intensity of motherhood leave little room for professional ambition. Men, largely unburdened by these demands, climb the corporate ladder with fewer interruptions. This disparity isn't biological, it's systemic.

The "have it all" narrative is a cruel illusion. It ignores the sacrifices women make, painting a picture of effortless juggling. The truth is, "having it all" often means "having it all mediocrely." Women are forced to choose – career success or complete devotion to motherhood – a choice men rarely face.

It's time to dismantle the myth and challenge the unequal distribution of care. Dads must be equal partners, sharing in the emotional and logistical burdens. Workplaces must offer robust childcare options and flexible schedules. Only then can we create a world where women can choose their path – motherhood, career, or both – without sacrificing themselves.

Lily Allen is dismantling the myth with her candid confession. It takes courage to speak especially given how sensitive the world has become. As she told Glamour UK in October 2023, “Yes, I will [go back to music]…. I had a conversation with the record company that I have a distribution deal with yesterday about doing some sessions before Christmas. I’m not saying that I’m working on an album, because I’m definitely not, but I’m getting back into the idea of trying to find a space where some music will reveal itself.”

For now, women can’t have it all, and that's okay! You still have a choice and that’s what feminism is all about- your choice!

Views expressed by the author are their own