Does Labelling Relationships Create Hierarchy And Limitations?

Does labelling relationships create hierarchy and limitations? The question is a head-scratcher because it has hidden paradoxes that make it difficult for us to answer. If we don't label relationships, they will lose the seriousness and commitment required to maintain relationships. For example, if you like someone and you are constantly going out on dates and spending time, will you be able to continue doing the same without giving a label to the relationship? Then, on the other hand, if we label relationships, they will be bounded by the same commitments and seriousness losing the freedom of free flow. So what do we choose? 

Recently, I came across a reel posted by Hauterfly in which Bollywood actor  Ratna Pathak talked about the same issue.

Ratna Pathak on not labelling relationships

She recalled her relationship with her husband and Bollywood actor Naseeruddin Shah and said, "Naseer said to me very early on in our relationship that it's a good idea never to label a relationship. Husband, wife, lover,  girlfriend, boyfriend- why label? If you can keep yourselves more at the level of human beings interacting, it helps."

Adding further, Pathak said, "Luckily we were able to do that with our children as well. We didn't have to come down too hard as parents...We just felt that we wanted to be able to talk to our children about everything." 

Pathak applied this new and progressive idea about relationships much earlier in time. But is our society ready for it even today? 

How society governs every relationship

Relationships are spaces where people connect on a personal level. They share stories, listen to pain and comfort each other during difficulties. This is the ideal definition of every relationship. However, our society has created rules that govern different relationships. A wife has to be submissive to her husband, lovers must follow the code of chastity, religion, caste and marriage while parents must dominate their children to create fear and obedience. Do you know what these rules are called? Labels. 

If you observe properly, the relationships I stated above have a hierarchy. Wife is lower than husband, lovers are lower than societal norms and children are submissive to parents. This hierarchy erases the basic need for relationships- equality. In the place of equality, there is blind obedience, enforced norms and even stimulation of crime. 

Hierarchy and limitations of labelled relationships

Similarly, if labels are put on relationships, the hierarchy creates limitations that don't allow the free flow of thoughts, emotions and individuality. As Ratna Pathak said, discarding the label of parents and children helped her create a bond in which she was able to talk to her children about anything. Now imagine if Pathak asserted her right as a parent, would children ever share things with her? Parents are not considered companions of children in our society Rather they are given the right to treat their children in whichever way they want because they made them. 

Define your own label, if you want to

Normally, labels help us organise things. However, the labels are defined by us and so does the system of organisation. This is not true when it comes to labelling relationships in our society. 

So if you really want to label your relationship, do it on your terms (of course with the consent of the other involved). Define the dynamics of the relationship. But don't conform to societal norms that make relationships just another manifestation of culture's incision on personal lives. 

Views expressed are the author's own.