Defying 'Paraya Dhan' Stereotype, Two Fathers Celebrate Daughter's Divorce

India, where traditions often dictate the lives of women, and women are often regarded as Paraya Dhan by their families after marriage, two men have defied norms to champion fatherly love. Prem Gupta, hailing from Jharkhand, and Anil Kumar, a retired government official in Kanpur, have shattered societal norms by bringing their married daughters, Sakshi and Urvi, back home in a grand 'baraat' after they endured abuse and harassment from their husbands and in-laws.

The sight of the grand baraat making its way through the streets sent shockwaves through the community, challenging stereotypical beliefs and sparking conversations about the rights of women within marriage.Their actions were not just a display of love; they were a powerful statement against the culture of silence that often shrouds cases of domestic abuse. By refusing to let their daughters suffer in silence, Gupta and Kumar shattered the chains that bound them and paved the way for others to follow suit.

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The Silence that Chains Women

From their earliest days, women in India were brought up with the virtues of endurance. The burden of enduring not only physical but also mental abuse becomes an unspoken mandate. The harsh reality is that once married, women often lose control over their life decisions, and they find themselves navigating the complexities of being both a  wife and daughter-in-law.

The expectation is clear: to save relationships at any cost, even if it means enduring hardship and pain in silence. Parents, concerned about their family's reputation, often encourage their daughters to bear the weight of a strained marriage silently. The message is straightforward: the home where they grew up is no longer their own, and returning alone is considered unthinkable.

The Change Catalyst: Prem Gupta's Act of Love

India boasts one of the world's lowest divorce rates, with only 1% of marriages ending in divorce. But does this statistic reflect an inherent strength in maintaining relationships, or is it a consequence of the stigma surrounding divorce?

In a heartfelt Facebook post, Prem Gupta eloquently expressed, "People marry off their daughters with great ambitions and with much pomp, but if the spouse and family turn out to be wrong or if it doesn't work, then you should bring your daughter back to your home with respect and dignity because daughters are very precious."

Sakshi married Sachin Kumar, an assistant engineer at the Jharkhand Electricity Distribution Company, on April 28, 2022. Her marriage took a traumatic turn as she discovered that her husband had concealed the fact that he had been married twice before. Enduring abuse and harassment, Sakshi fought to save her marriage for a year before deciding to take the brave step of filing for divorce.

Whereas  Anil Kumar, a former employee of BSNL, chose to mark his daughter's new beginning with joy and enthusiasm, reminiscent of the way he bid her farewell on her wedding day. Expressing his sentiments, he remarked, "That's how we had sent her off a few years ago. It's time she begins afresh."

Urvi, aged 36 and an engineer at New Delhi's Palam Airport, embarked on a journey of love and companionship when she married a computer engineer in 2016. Despite the initial promise of marital bliss, her life took a turbulent turn as she faced  harassment from her in-laws, who allegedly demanded dowry. Enduring years of emotional and physical abuse, Urvi finally found the courage to break free from the chains of oppression and sought a divorce, resulting in her liberation on February 28.

The stories of Anil and Prem, as well as their daughters Sakshi and Urvi, are not only heartwarming; it is a call to break the chains of silence that have bound women for generations. It is a reminder that every woman has the right to live a life free from abuse and harassment, and returning to her family should not be seen as a failure but as an act of courage and empowerment.

The very notion of being a 'divorcee' carries a heavy stigma in society, leading to judgment and criticism. Women are expected to embrace the ups and downs of marriage with stoicism and endure the insensitivity and abuse from their husbands and in-laws.

Societal Judgments

Our society, where distant relatives, neighbours, and society at large often feel entitled to judge and give unsolicited advice, women find themselves in a constant struggle. These judgments, often based on outdated gender norms, label women who speak their minds as "fast" or "insolent."

The prevailing belief that women should surrender their opinions and passively comply with the wishes of their husbands and in-laws is a significant factor in maintaining this silence. Women are expected to be the embodiment of meekness, and any deviation from this ideal is met with criticism.

The First Step is the Hardest

Women face multiple challenges in taking the first step towards divorce, especially in rural areas. The sense of belonging, fear of exile, and the established social, psychological, and financial dependence on men discourage women from initiating the divorce process. Lack of family support, societal stigma, and intense pressure to maintain family unity make this first step even more challenging.

Even after divorce, women face many difficulties when starting their new lives. Society often fails to make their transition any easier, offering improper job opportunities, propagating destructive rumours, and making it challenging for them to start new relationships. Men, on the other hand, typically face fewer obstacles when establishing new families. Many women are reluctant to engage with society after a divorce due to a lack of emotional and psychological support.

Fathers like Prem Gupta and Anil Kumar set an example and how. The video is a proof of respecting women's choices and uplifting them from the shackles that pull them down.

Views expressed by the author are their own