Not Being Able To Find "Right Groom" Is Not A Failure - Here's Why

Naina* has always been ambitious. Since her childhood, she was known for being studious and intelligent. She always grabbed the first rank in the class. Later, when she pursued her higher studies, her determination didn't decrease. Naina not only secured the highest marks in her graduation but also got selected for a high-paying job as a software engineer. After working there for a few years, Naina decided to do her masters in America. And guess what? She cleared the exams and got a seat in a college in America. Today, she is not only working in a reputed company in the country but also owns a Tesla. Because of her never-ending success in life, she garnered a lot of appreciation from her family. She is the role model for every woman in her family. But, Naina is still unhappy and feels as if she is a failure. "I achieved everything I wanted in life. But I failed in the marriage market."

Naina has been trying to find a suitable groom for the last few years. But she met no success. Sometimes, she didn't like the man, and other times the man rejected her. There is constant pressure from her family to get married but Naina doesn't want to rush through one of the major decisions of her life. But is it right for Naina to feel like a failure because she is unable to find the right groom? Is marriage a marker of success or failure? After being so successful and independent in life, why is Naina losing all of it to the pressure of getting married? 

Not finding the right groom is not the fault of the woman

Naina's life reflects the reality of many women in our society. Since childhood, women are told that marriage is the ultimate goal of life. A woman is considered good only if she is a dutiful wife, bahu and mother. Rarely do women learn that their existence depends on their independence. That they don't need men and their families to feel valid in life. 

True, many women want to get married. They want a life partner for companionship. But being rejected or not finding the right groom is not a sign of failure. It just shows that the woman is not ready to settle for anyone. She wants to control her life and the changes that happen in it. 

However, in our society, it is indeed difficult to find a partner who aligns with our modern thoughts and lifestyles. A man rejected Naina because she was not "his type". Another guy rejected her because he thought that Naina's lifestyle would not let her adjust to his family. This man dated Naina for a long time but when it came to marriage, he stepped back. 

The objectification of women in the "marriage market"

We live in a society where women are rejected for being short-height, not fair enough, opinionated, too qualified or too ambitious. We still come across marriage advertisements that are not only sexist but also pedal misogyny. Even today, families want bahus who stay at home, cook delicious food and serve the members. Women still have to fight with the grooms and their families for permission to work after marriage. Some even come across families or grooms who demand virgin brides and refuse to shift if the bride is working elsewhere. 

Sonam Priya, a PhD student, is also looking for a match. But she is not able to find the one. She has been rejected for her short height. One of the families rejected her saying that since she studied and lived in Delhi for many years, she would not serve even a glass of water. The worst experience that happened with her recently was when an IITian rejected her saying that if a man wants peace in life, he should marry a non-working woman. 

However, Sonam says, "I don't consider being rejected for these reasons as a failure. I want a life partner but not the one with whom I can't be comfortable." 

In such a scenario, it doesn't make any point for women to feel bad for being rejected. Rejection doesn't show that there is a fault in the woman. Rather, it shows the stereotypes of the family that rejected her. 

So, dear women, don't become a part of the marriage market where women are sold like objects. Rather, question it, resist it and make your own choices. Not being able to find a groom is fine. But settling for one that doesn't respect you is wrong. Marriage is companionship and it doesn't have an age limit. 

Views expressed are the author's own