Do Homemakers Feel Lonely? Know From Indian Women

She wakes up before the sun knocks at the window. Half asleep, she walks towards the kitchen and begins the chores that her mother taught her. From cleaning the kitchen slabs and boiling milk to preparing breakfast and tiffins for her children and husband- she does it all before the sun shines in the eyes of the family members. Then, she gets the uniforms ready, the bathroom cleaned, and breakfast fed. Waving her hands at her children and husband leaving for their chores, she stands at the window, alone. When she looks back at the house, she finds an emptiness that could have been filled if her mother had given her books rather than laddles. This is the story of my mother.

My mother is a graduate but couldn't pursue her dream job because of the responsibilities at home. Now, after more than 25 years of marriage, the emptiness and the loneliness are filled by the responsibilities of the business. She is now a homemaker and a businesswoman. She still doesn't like the business as her dreams are different but she is happy that she gets to step out of the house and escape the deadening silence.   

In our society, homemakers are supposed to work despite their demanding health. The entire house depends on them and yet they are not valued. Homemakers cook, clean and repeat without complaining because they consider it as their responsibility. The monotony of the work overwhelms many women but only some of them are able to rebel. But what happens when everyone in the house engages in their work? Do homemakers feel relaxed since there is no one demanding anything? Do they feel lonely because there is no one to talk to? Or do they never get the time to feel anything? 

How women sacrificed dreams to become homemakers

Gunjan Kumari is a graduate. Her parents were working and always encouraged her to study. But as soon as she turned 18, she was married despite her incomplete education. Gunjan has no complaints from her parents except that they could have delayed her marriage. But fate turned out good. She got to finish her education at the marital house. Today she is a homemaker with a  husband and two kids. "My work gets over by 12 pm. My husband leaves for work, my daughter gets busy with her studies and my son is already studying in a different state. I feel lonely. I wish I had something to do...," Gunjan takes pause and then says, "I wish I was working." 

Sujata Roy who lives in Patna with her husband and children doesn't find time to either feel lonely or relaxed. She is on her feet the entire day preparing food for everyone according to their choices. Sujata has one eyes on the housework and the other at the clock. She gets everything ready for her husband and children on time. 

Sujata has accepted housework as her life. She is satisfied but is she happy? "I haven't thought about that," She says. She was not good at studies yet she secured a seat in a reputed college for graduation. Her brothers too had qualified for the same college. But since the college was away from the place where she grew up, her parents didn't allow her to go. However, her brothers had the freedom to grab the seat and the education. 

Sujata does wish, even today, that she had something of her own where she could invest time. She often asked her husband to let her do some small-sector job but he denied. 

Similarly, Priyatam Roy of Patna is also engaged in housework the entire day. She wakes up at 4 in the morning and keeps on working till the night. "I do feel lonely when my kids and husband are out. But I don't feel relaxed. Mostly I don't get time and if I do I think about when everyone will be back, what I have to do next or what will be the future of my kids," she says.

Priyatam likes singing and even wanted to learn the art and become a professional singer. However, life had different plans for her. She got married and accepted housework as her destiny. Even then, Priyatam listens to old songs or classical music while she works in the house. 

Neha* who is settled in Bengaluru with her family of husband and two sons also never wanted to become a homemaker. She was married at an early age and had to cater to the needs of the family. Neha wanted to become a teacher or join any profession that involves social service. But today, she has to work in the house and support the family. However, Neha likes to call herself a homemaker. "It is a partnership. My husband takes care of the finances. I take care of the house and its maintenance." Neha rarely gets an hour of break from the housework. So she doesn't really have the time to think if she is relaxed or alone. 

But Neha said, "I love dancing, speaking to people and making them laugh. So I fight to find time for myself. I clearly say to my family that I am not available for a certain period of time." She recently went on a trip to Goa with her friends.  

Anita Nayak who lives in Dehri, Bihar wanted to be an SP or at any position in the Indian Police Department. However, she didn't receive proper guidance from her parents and after marriage she indulged herself in housework. However, since Anita lives in a joint family, she never really finds herself alone. She says, "Women who live in a small or nuclear family might feel loneliness when everyone goes out for work." Yet, Anita says, "When my work gets over, I read books and write diaries which I really like doing."

Many women do housework not because they like it but because their families don't allow them to do anything else. Women have been conditioned since childhood that performing housework is their primary duty. Because of this imposition and conditioning, the job of the homemaker is not respected and is considered a degradation in terms of women's empowerment. 

Housework is necessary for all, not just for women

Every person must know the basic chores to maintain themselves. And being a homemaker is not bad. It is a very responsible job which lacks recognition. Many women enjoy being a homemaker. 

Rupa who lives in Patna says, "I enjoy doing housework. I don't have to go out, I can be at home, enjoy its comfort and work." She also never feels lonely when there is no work. Rather, she feels relaxed and sleeps. Rupa is very conscious about her health and firmly says, "I can never quit yoga. Not even for a day." She also likes meeting her friends, going to kitty parties and trips and vlogging.  

After speaking to all these women, it can be concluded that no matter how mentally consuming and time-consuming housework is, women need to find time for themselves. They need to do things that not only make them happy but also strengthen their health. Rarely do Indian families care about the health and happiness of the homemakers. So women need to take control of their lives. The dreams that they left hanging should be pursued without any restrictions or fear. It is never too late to dream and turn it into reality. If you can't proudly say that you are a homemaker, you need to step up and do what gives you pride.

Loneliness is natural, especially when familial support is lacking. But, dear women, don't depend on others for your happiness. The emptiness you feel is a sign that something is missing. Find that and add it to your life. Homemaker or not, every woman has the right to be happy. Families better understand that and prioritise women's happiness. Or else, be ready to deal with rebellion. 

Views expressed are the author's own.