Eight Things No One Tells Us About Being Happily Single

Whenever people come across happily married couples, they wonder what is the secret. Couple goals become a trend the day a couple posts a cute picture together. Similarly, Richa Chaddha also posted a video with her husband and a pet answering questions about the secret to a happy marriage. She wrote, "Life is a private party of two with @alifazal9. Got asked recently about ‘tips for a successful marriage’… umm… turn out the lights and dance in the living room? Have fun. Kyunki kal Monday hai." But what about those who turn out the lights and sleep alone because kal Monday hai? Why doesn't anyone ask or share secrets about being happily single? 

I have been against marriage for a long time now. Having reached an age when women usually have a family, I still sleep alone, travel alone and even watch movies alone. I don't have any man to get me chocolates, flowers and 'I love you' messages. In short, I am on my own. But am I lonely? Do you picture me as a woman with lots of cats? Well, neither do I have cats (I love dogs), nor am I lonely. I am a happy single woman. How does that sound? 

After being single for a long time, I think I qualify to give some insights on how to be happy and single. Let's dig in! 

1. Prioritise your career: Career is not considered common among women in our society. Women are supposed to have a family and take care of it. But, dear readers, time has changed. Women want careers and are actively pursuing them. So the first tip to be happily single is to pursue your career. Do a job that really excites you and makes you want to wake up every morning. Don't worry if the pay scale is low. Keep working and keep growing. Make empowerment a goal of your life. Dream about not being dependent on anyone for anything. Trust me, that dream will give you the best sleep. 

2. Pick up a hobby: Every one of us has a hobby but sometimes it fades away due to the clamour of life. Bring that back. Introspect and find what you really like doing. Spend an hour or so practising your hobby every day. This will not only occupy your time but will also give you a sense of happiness. 

3. Go out alone: Whenever I tell people that I have been to movie theatres alone, they are in disbelief. Not because they think I am lonely, but because it is daunting. Women don't go out alone because of the lack of safety which is a genuine and grave issue. But don't let patriarchy decide how you live. Go to cafes and restaurants alone, watch movies alone and go for solo travelling. You don't need anyone to accompany you or protect you. As far as coming across creeps is concerned, pull out the pepper spray and attack without thinking twice. Learn about your rights against gender crimes and exercise them fearlessly. Dear women, if we want to live alone, we need to retaliate and protect ourselves. Don't give in to relationships or marriages just because you feel unsafe.  

4. Buy gifts for yourself: I celebrate my birthday by writing a poem or story for myself. My next resolution is to go on trips every birthday. Usually, people expect others to wish them on their special days. But it won't make sense until you recognise your speciality. It is okay to expect wishes and gifts from others but don't be dependent on them. Buy whatever you want using your hard-earned money. It will not only make you happy but also feel empowered. 

5. Know your rights: The other day, I had a heated argument with my mother. She said that if I don't marry, where will I live? Without thinking, I said that I would live where I was born. My mother immediately retorted, "But the house belongs to your younger brother. He and his wife will live there." My mother is unaware of the equal right to inheritance of parental properties that daughters have. But dear women, please remember this. You don't need a marriage just to have a house to live. Know your rights and stand for your empowerment. 

6. What about sex life? This question might come to your mind often after all we women are humans too with sexual desires. But does being single mean you have to sacrifice your sex life or orgasm? No. There are two ways to look at it. One, you can indulge in hook-ups or sexual partnerships if sex doesn't make you emotionally attached. Second, you can always use masturbation or sex toys to satisfy your sexual needs. At the end of the day, all that matters is orgasm. So you can be single and sexually satisfied.

7.  Look after your health: If you want to be happily single, you have to take care of yourself. You cannot depend on others for healthcare. Of course, you can seek comfort in friends and family. But try to mostly be independent even while taking care of mental and physical health. Get regular check-ups done, practice self-care activities and save money for health emergencies.

8. Pangs of loneliness: No matter how independent we are, at the end of the day, we all are humans. It is a natural tendency to feel lonely sometimes  But remember, it is temporary and not a sign that you should quit being single. Talk to your friends and family, engage yourself in something that you like or even cry out your frustration and then gulp a tub of ice cream. Some women also adopt pets or kids to help them deal with loneliness. Do whatever suits you to reduce or deal with the pangs of loneliness. But don’t let moments of weakness make the decision that will affect your entire life.   

Being single is not easy in our society, especially for women. Since childhood, women are taught about the importance of marriage. Now and then, they are reminded about the time limit before which they must be married and preferably have kids. But no one tells women how to be single because that daunting idea never occurs in people's minds. But why have we normalised marriage as the only way to be happy and supported? Why don't we understand that marriage is just a choice and not a necessity?  

I will sign off with lyrics from my favourite song Mann Ke Manjeere by Shubha Mudgal

"Apni nazar se maine dekhi duniya ki rangoli

Mujhko bulane aayi mausam ki toli

Kholi aankhon ki kholi maine paayi apni boli

Mujhme hi rehti thi meri humjoli re..

Sun lo..

Ab na akeli hoon main,

Apni saheli hoon main,

Saathi hoon apni main

Saathi hoon apni main"

The views expressed are the author's own.