I Love My Parents But I Don't Want To Become Like Them

Loving your parents and becoming like them are two different things. You might love your parents, but you do not need to make them your role models. Do you know why? Because parents are humans and that too of a different generation. Their thoughts and lifestyles may not make sense in today's day and age. Possibilities are that their mindset is no longer applicable in the modern world or the coming future. So it is completely okay to not be like your parents.

In our society, children are made to believe that their parents are the centre of their lives. Parents are the ones who are going to take care of them and parents are the ones for whose welfare children have to earn a living. While there is no denying the fact that parents form a core circle of our lives but that is not all that life has to offer. 

Why our parents could be wrong?

Often parents commit mistakes because of their mindset, their toxic upbringing or because they are humans. But just because they brought us up, we cannot ignore, accept or internalise their mistakes. If we do, we will never be able to break the chain of trauma and toxicity passing through the family and to society. Change is the part of nature. So it is our responsibility as members of new generation to bring and support changes rather than blindly following what our elders tell us. We need to develop the ability to think critically and make our own decisions. We need to stand up for ourselves even if it means going against our parents. Remember, respecting others and standing by your choices are two different things. By saying no, criticising the wrong or standing by your choice doesn't make you disrespectful. Rather, it makes you an individual in the right sense. 

Let me explain to you better from a personal experience. I want to be a writer and I am working as one. However, my parents are not happy with my life choices and even consider them immature. They believe that following interest won't get you money. Just because my father didn't have a choice in what he wanted to do in life, he believes that life never offers one. He has internalised that following a passion is selfish and even childish because it doesn't give you financial independence. From his father, he learnt that life is all about making difficult choices, even though you have an easy option. 

I love my parents more than anyone else in my life. But I don't agree with them on many things. I don't want to internalise toxic ideas like sexual harassment is a part of life, lies and fights are parts of marriages or that following passion has no gain. Why? Because I don't want to be a toxic person. When I know that their ideas are wrong, why will I believe in them and fool myself? Is it not my responsibility to make my parents aware of their mistakes and my choices?

We need to change the mindsets of our parents

When we talk about giving love back to our parents, we do not have a conversation about improving their mindsets. Loving parents back is not all about providing them with financial and physical care. It is also about educating them and making them unlearn orthodox beliefs. As educated and empowered individuals, it is our responsibility to correct our parents, disagree with them when they are wrong and firmly assert the right thing that should be done.

Yes, they are elders and they have turned their hair grey after experiencing the world. But the world keeps changing. It is not the same as they lived in. So, it is not shocking if they commit mistakes in analysing the world. In fact, our parents always think the best for us. But their definition of best is different from ours. The best they want is mainly dependent on having a safe life in a toxic society. And this can mean anything- from being docile to being illegal. But our definition of the best is more about going against the toxicity of society. We are not ready to submit to anything just because the conventions deem it right. 

So the difference, or the generation gap, is obvious. The only way to bridge the gap is to hold your parents' hands and bring them to the new side. Rather than turning your feet back and going to the other side. This is how society will grow. We need to keep marching forward no matter how many voices try to call us back. Moreover, parents too need to accept the change and move on from their past. Just because they were not taught to go against the wrong, it doesn't mean their children too should remain unaware of it. Parenting is about raising a different human, not a clone. 

Views expressed are the author's own.