Moms Need To Party (Unwind) Too, And That Does Not Make Them Bad

It was my birthday, and I was partying late with my friends for the first time in my life. By the time I returned home, it was past 11 pm. Being a single mother living with my parents, I was welcomed back home with, "Did you forget that you’re a mother? How can you be so irresponsible?"

I was completely taken aback because all along the way back home, a voice inside my head had been killing me with mom guilt—credits to society that have deeply ingrained the belief that once a woman becomes a mother, every other living part of her is dead. Hearing it from society is one thing, but hearing it from your own parents, especially when you’re a single mother, hits you on a totally different level.

Mom Guilt Culture In Society

Let me be vulnerable and admit that I broke down into uncontrollable sobs the moment I heard this remark from my parents. They went on to make a huge issue about how, as a mother, it was unacceptable for me to hang out with friends for long hours. I was called a "bad mom" for prioritising myself over my child.

Recently, while scrolling through Instagram, I stumbled upon a reel by a user named Simone Khambatta. The reel featured three women singing, dancing, and having fun. The caption on the video pointed out how society perceives women who party as bad mothers. In response to such insensitive remarks, the user wrote, "You should try it too. Maybe then you’ll feel a little less frustrated."

In the caption, the user went on to elaborate on how society makes such a huge issue of "girls being girls" after they become moms. "Just because I’m a mother doesn’t mean every other part of me is dead. Unwinding with friends after a hectic week is sometimes the best therapy a mom can get. And going out doesn’t make me a bad mom," read the caption.

And man, that was something I resonated with on a deeper level! I have been wanting to hear this from someone—a kind of external assurance amidst all the pressure to be a "good mom." This also made me wonder why society tends to perceive women as bad mothers for taking time out for themselves.

Why do women’s identity and existence get connected to being mothers the moment they give birth? Aren’t we still individuals who deserve to have fun and do things that make us happy?

But the same rule never applies to men—they can work late, travel, hang out with friends, and do whatever they like because "men will be men." But for how long are we going to hold on to such stereotypical gender roles and prejudices?

Dealing With Mom Guilt

Unfortunately, most of these inconsiderate comments and unsolicited advice on "how to be a good mom" come from fellow women. As the caption in the video suggested, I think these people should really try taking some time off for themselves to understand why millennial and Gen Z mothers prioritise themselves every now and then. The heartless comments often seem like an exasperation of people who are confined to the patriarchal standards of "ideal women" and "ideal mothers" due to external and internal factors. They just can’t seem to break free from it and, in turn, spew frustration on women who actually have fun.

In a way, women who judge and criticise mothers who take time for themselves reflect their envy. But what’s stopping us from having fun? We’ve all been raised in a patriarchal society, but it’s up to us to break free from the social norms and choose to do things that make us happy. Mothers aren’t superhumans as we are glorified to be. We are normal people who get exhausted and overwhelmed from handling the multiple roles that are designated for us. We need to become strong enough to take a stand for ourselves.

We deserve to have fun, even if it means leaving our children at home under someone else’s care while we relax and reboot ourselves. We don’t become bad moms by taking some time off from parenting. Motherhood is challenging and exhausting, and we deserve to take breaks! After all, only a happy mother can raise happy children, right? So, the next time we get criticised for taking time off from parenting, let’s not allow it to get to us. From one mother to another, you’re the best mother your children can ever get. Keep doing you, sister!

Suggested Reading: Many Moms Aim To Be Perfect, But Shouldn't They Seek Happiness Instead?

Views expressed by the author are their own