Why Loving Yourself Is The Key To Dating Bliss

A woman dedicates much of her journey to discovering a partner capable of providing love and care. From early years, societal narratives paint a picture of marriage, children, and settling down with a man, a trajectory often overshadowing a woman's individual aspirations. It's ingrained in a woman's psyche to ponder the identity of that 'ideal man' who will play a transformative role in her life. Yet, amidst these reflections, how many women contemplate being that 'important part' themselves? How often are women encouraged to embrace the qualities of independence and freedom traditionally sought in men? 

So here we are, delving into the empowering concept of loving oneself first and why it should be the foremost priority to unlock the doors to dating bliss, align with one's aspirations, and rewrite their narrative of love.

Instagram Reel: All About Loving Yourself

Recently, I came across a video in which an influencer named Jack Paul Turner shared a very valuable lesson when it comes to dating or choosing your life partner. When asked what the biggest mistake is that you can make in life, Turner said, "If you believe love is finding the right person, but actually love is becoming the right person," he further added, "You want to become the type of person you want to spend your life with. And then that person will be attracted to you."

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A post shared by Jake Turner (@jakepaulturner)

Turner's opinion resonated with many in the comment section. However, some of them deemed him wrong. 

An Instagram user wrote, "People can love themselves and be loving to others. You cannot have love with another person if they are unable to give or receive love, so in the end, what he says cannot be true. You do have to find the person who is willing to give you love and receive your love."

While another wrote, "You can be the most wonderful human being and still attract turds. It's actually what happens with very nice people. Empaths attract narcissists all the time. Tell me, what’s wrong with empaths? Aren’t they precisely the people that are worthy of love?"

Personal Experience of Break-up and Lack of Self-Love

I personally have had many break-ups because the men I fell in love with always ended up being jerks. They lied to me, cheated on me, and even demanded money in return for trust. Even though I went through breakups, I easily allowed other men to enter my life despite the fear of being hurt again. Do you know why? I felt lonely without a partner. I always sought love and validation from outside because I could never fall in love with myself. Maybe if I loved myself enough to not fall for any guy who flirted with me, I wouldn't have felt so lonely and in need of company.

In fact, women in general are never taught to love themselves. They are always raised to be someone's wife, bahu, or mother. They are never told that they have to live for themselves and so must take care of themselves. Body shaming too is done so that women tone their bodies and be attractive to men out there. Women are rarely asked to be necessarily educated, financially independent and loving and caring towards themselves.

Why you should Love Yourself before Loving Others

But is it fair to not love yourself? Is it right to depend on your partner for the love you didn't give yourself? What if the partner walks away one day? How will you fill the emptiness that is created due to the dependence? In fact, if you don't love yourself, how will you know your strengths? If you don't love yourself, how will you expect others to love you? It is only if you love yourself that you will be able to differentiate between what is love and what is toxicity. If you don't love yourself and seek validation from outside, you will end up normalising and ignoring the toxic behaviours of your partners just because they say they love you.

It is also true that, no matter how much we value ourselves, there are people who take us for granted. They misuse our goodness and manipulate us into hating ourselves for our choices. You must have heard how people say that good girls always attract toxic men. But let me be clear here. It is not the fault of the girl, but the boy who is toxic. Rather, it is the man who should be taught how to behave and then handle someone's feelings. And this can be done if the woman takes pride in herself and walks away from a toxic relationship as if it were a celebration of freedom, not loss.

So the point is that self-love should be the first step in romance and relationships. One should first fall in love with who they are and then seek additional support from outside. It is only through self-love that a person can value themselves, understand their needs, and stand up for their rights. These things are crucial for any relationship to be equal with mutual understanding and support. Yes, falling in love with yourself requires a lot of hard work. Sometimes, the struggle makes you feel utterly unwanted and lonely. But always remember that you won't be a wholesome person until you love yourself. You won't feel joy in anything unless you are independent and in love with yourself. As said before, you can give love only if you have love in you.

 Views expressed are the author's own.