To Be Clingy Or Not: On The Absolute Chaos Of Modern Relationships

In today's world of "situationships," women are stuck in a constant balancing act—caring too much risks being labeled clingy, while playing it cool can leave you emotionally stranded. This piece dives into the emotional chaos and humor of navigating today’s dating culture.

Where’s the thrill? Where’s the passion? What happened to grand romantic gestures? Nowadays, it’s all about ‘taking it slow’—but let’s be honest, in today’s world, "taking it slow" just means dragging out the inevitable confusion. We’re told to live wild and embrace the excitement. But in reality? It’s just an endless game of tag where you chase, they dodge, and when you finally stop, they suddenly resurface like nothing happened. Indifference wrapped in nonchalance—it’s the modern love language.

So, my best friend asks me, “Hey, how’s it going with your latest romantic endeavor?”

“Oh, we’re still, you know... exploring,” I say, as casually as possible.

“But you’ve been seeing him for three months?”

“Yeah, but we haven’t had ‘the talk’ yet. No labels. Not yet.”

Ah, the infamous "talk." The grand declaration that modern-day romance dreads more than a bad Wi-Fi connection during Koffee with Karan streaming sessions. First, they chase you with all the enthusiasm of Arjun Kapoor in 2 States, and then when you start showing interest, they vanish faster than your will to work post-lunch.

It’s a delicate dance:

You care, but not too much—you don’t want to be “that girl” who returns his calls instantly. God forbid he thinks you’re available.

You flirt, but not too much—you don’t want him to think he’s living rent-free in your head.

You may express slight annoyance when he doesn't text for an entire day, but you better make sure it looks more like a casual, oh-I-didn’t-even-notice reaction rather than an existential crisis.

To Be Clingy Or Not: On The Absolute Chaos Of Modern Relationships

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the modern-day situational nightmare—sorry, I mean “situationship.” Psychology Today will tell you it’s called an “anxious attachment style.” And if you’re a woman, you’re 90% more likely to be diagnosed with it because...well, it’s apparently easier to label women than admit men just have the emotional intelligence of a potato. So what’s the solution? You either pull a Dear Zindagi and overanalyse every tiny childhood trauma, or you adopt the “yeh toh aise hi chalega” approach and just roll with the punches.

Let’s talk about Naina from Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani. All she wanted was Bunny. Plain and simple. But if she had the nerve to ask him to, I don’t know, stay? Be with her? Support her career goals while holding hands under the stars in Manali? She’d be slapped with the label of 'clingy' faster than Bunny could board another flight to oblivion. No, no. Naina had to wait. Because only when Bunny’s self-absorbed travel plans hit a roadblock did he finally decide to drop by and sweep her off her feet. And not because he was suddenly struck by the magnitude of his feelings—oh no—it’s because he thought she was seeing someone else. Now, Naina could conveniently pour her heart out without being judged. 

This isn't just Naina's story—it’s practically every woman’s story these days. If you’re direct about your feelings, you're ‘needy’; if you're laid-back, you're ‘too casual.’ Either way, you're constantly battling between caring too much and not enough, afraid to be the one who wants more. It’s like being stranded in a relationship purgatory, where you're too scared to ask, “What are we?” because deep down, you fear the answer might just be a casual shrug. And let’s not forget, the minute a guy pulls back, society tells us, “just give him space.” Sure, give him space. Let him go to the moon and back while you wait patiently for him to realize you're not just an afterthought. Let him disappear on you for days, weeks even, while you craft carefully worded messages that won’t seem too eager, knowing full well that one wrong step could scare him away entirely.

You wait, not because you're weak, but because you're taught to. Taught that being ‘chill’ and ‘cool’ is the way to win him over, that expressing too much will only drive him further away.

The modern-day woman is caught in a catch-22. If you want stability, you’re ‘clingy.’ If you play it cool, you risk becoming the next Tara, waiting for Ved to figure himself out while you’re off achieving greatness. Meanwhile, Ved’s running around Corsica because, you know, commitment issues are just sooo masculine.

The saddest part? When you finally do pull back—when you take a step back to protect yourself—suddenly, you’re the one who’s “changed.” The woman who once gave everything is now too distant, too cold. They call it a "game," but it feels less like strategy and more like emotional labour. You become the master of holding back, of silence, of pretending you’re not hurt when he cancels plans last minute or ignores your messages. Because the moment you show emotion, you risk being labelled "dramatic."

You bend and stretch to fit this perfect image of what a woman “should be”—never too much, never too little.

So, what’s the lesson here? Be cool, be unattainable, and never—under any circumstances—text back too quickly. Because if you do, you’re bound to end up as another 'overly attached' meme on the internet. And who wants that? No, the dream is to somehow maintain that perfect balance of aloofness while secretly hoping that one day, the man in question wakes up and realises you’re not just another Netflix and chill candidate.

Annanya Chaturvedi is a 22-year-old graduate of Lady Shri Ram College for Women, currently working in the corporate sector. She has written for Live Wire and The Times of India, and she frequently shares her opinions on social media. Views expressed by the author are their own.