'They Masked It Under Care': How Family's Body-Shaming Taunts Breed Insecurities

Body-shaming is pervasive in a woman's life. It starts at an age when they don't even know how the body can impact their sense of identity. Mostly, body-shaming starts at home. It depends on how parents comment on the bodies of their daughters. If they shame their daughters for extra kilos, darker skin or patches, they raise women who are insecure about their bodies and seek validation from others. But if parents appreciate the bodies of their daughters no matter what people say, they raise women who are confident about themselves. So, were you body-shamed by your family?

I was of a very tender age when I became insecure about my looks. My family made me believe that my skin was dark, my teeth were not in proportion, my height was less (for which I was made to pop pills and visit doctors) and my body was out of shape. More than anything else, my family used to make fun of my body by poking at my tummy. No matter what I was saying or how well I was doing in my studies, my family was concerned about my weight.

Consequently, I lost weight- a lot. I thought maybe then my parents would be happy about my body. But I didn't expect what came next. "You look like a hanger", "You look like a grandma" comments like these acted like salt to my wounded confidence. What was next? I got diagnosed with mental health issues and gained weight more than ever. But did it stop the shaming? No. Now I am told that need to reduce my weight to fit into the beauty standards if I want to get married. 

Because of the constant shaming coming from my house, I could never think well about myself. I always seek validation from others to believe that I look good. If I don't have a boyfriend or a casual fling who constantly adores my body, I feel empty. But this is not right. My therapist rightly said that I cannot depend on men for physical validation. This can result in toxic relationships which will worsen my mental health. But how do I stop myself? How should I say that I look good when my family, the most important part of my life, doesn't believe in it?

Journalist Oshi Saxena recalling her experience said, "I have often been body shamed by my family, but they try to mask it under the guise of care and concern for my well-being. However, they fail to realise that I see myself every day, so I don't need a taunting reminder from them about something I am already aware of." 

Adding that every body is different, she said, "Everyone's journey with their bodies is different; some have it easy, while others experience difficulty adjusting to their bodies due to various factors. This can be very overwhelming for anyone. What one needs is support and understanding, which people often fail to provide." 

"I remember trying on something and a family member commented that it wouldn't look good on my body and that I should cover up with clothing that hides or conceals it. Even to this day, I can't muster up the courage to wear it again because that comment is still stuck in my head. Even in direct conversations, comments about weight loss journeys or remarks about someone's body shape being less than ideal can feel like indirect taunts and are hurtful," she said.

But do our families recognise this?

Society and its beauty standards

But is society okay with women having less weight? No. Then, the women will be labelled too skinny to be sexy. So what does society really want then? Yeah you guessed it right. To criticise women and make them feel bad about themselves all the time so that they fall into the trap of seeking external validation to satisfy their insecurities. 

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But why are families imitating the society?

However, we cannot change the society at once. But we certainly can change our families. Just as body-shaming begins at home, revolution too begins at home. Parents need to appreciate the bodies of their daughters. They need to make daughters believe that the beauty of the soul is much more valuable. Rather than preparing daughters for marriage and motherhood, parents should teach them healthy habits for a longer and happier life. The comment on the body should only be about staying healthy which has no connection with looks, opinions or life choices. A woman can be healthy and yet look heavy or thin or have dark skin. 

Priya, a journalist, doesn't accept the fact that she was body-shamed. Rather, she believes that her parents care for her health. This is why she was never just by their comments on her weight. "At first, I thought they were shaming me for my weight. But then I learned the difference between shaming and caring. I realised this when relatives or people I know commented on my weight without thinking about my health. Even though I'm healthy and have a good weight for my height, they still gave me advice and suggestions and made judgements about my body," she said. 

So dear parents, be the champions of your daughters in their fight against societal prejudices. Make them lose the weight of the unwanted opinions of people rather than the weight of their self-confidence. Be a parent not a patriarch.

Views expressed are the author's own.