First They Bully You Into Motherhood, Then They Criticise Your Mom Instincts

In India, babysitting doesn't happen for free or without a taunt or two. Rather relatives who babysit use it as an opportunity to criticise the mother. The entire time, they note the baby's behaviour and make it an issue to term the woman "bad mother." But doesn't babysitting mean that you should bond with the child? Does it not mean that you teach the child new things, if possible? Is only a mother responsible for raising a child? What about the relatives who give her unsolicited advice? 

Should one be paid for babysitting?

I came across a video recently in which a woman was talking about babysitting. She said that she babysat her nephew but people were shocked to hear that she did it for free. The woman, Kaitlyn Wilson, found this really "absurd". Should one be paid for babysitting? Wilson said that she would never accept money in return for babysitting. "I get the opportunity to create a relationship with my nephew by babysitting him and being around him," Wilson explained. 

When we talk about India, people are not really paid for babysitting. But then, the act is so conditional that rarely mothers allow anyone to babysit their children. If someone in India agrees to babysit, they would use it as an opportunity to bad mouth the mother. To begin with, the relative will criticise the mother for prioritising something else over the baby. Then, they would also question her parenting every time the child creates a fuss. And if all this was not enough, some people with dented mindsets, use the opportunity to fill the ears of the child against the mother. In some cases, people who babysit tend to harass the child, physically and sexually. 

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In our society, mothers are expected to raise the child. They are the ones who should impart good habits, morality and education to the kids. And if the kids falter even a bit, the mother is made to stand in the court of society. The fathers are rarely expected to be involved in parenting more than deciding whether to buy that expensive toy or not. 

Relatives tend to advise women on motherhood. They tend to question her ways and impose traditional ways of parenting. They always want to see the cheerful side of the child to appreciate the mother. But once they see the child crying or throwing tantrums, they are very quick to defame the mother. 

My question to those relatives is why don't you raise your kids by the 'traditional' parenting methods rather than advising other women? Why don't you take the responsibility to calm an irritated child if you are good at parenting? Why do you call for the mother when the child cries or pees in your lap? If you can give parenting advice, then why is it difficult for you to implement it? 

Let us understand that parenting is not the mother's responsibility alone. The entire family should chip in to take care of the child. Babysitting should be done by everyone at least once to realise how difficult it is to raise a child and to stop undermining mothers' efforts. If you can't handle a crying baby, then don't advise women how to do it. It would be hypocrisy. 

Views expressed are the author's own.