Transitioning Generation: Stuck Between Ideals & Respect For Elders

I have always called myself a feminist. I fought for my career, I stood against sexual assault experiences, I spoke up against domestic violence and adultery and I rejected marriage for singlehood. However, somewhere in my mind, I feel a conflict between what is wrong and what is right. All my major fights in life have been against my parents whom I love the most. No matter how much I want my independence, I can't fight the guilt of hurting my parents. Sometimes, overwhelmed by the guilt, I feel I should agree to what they say at least one time among many. However, the feminist in me hovers over me with brutal questions.

I am sure many women of the current generation will relate to me. The women of the current generation are the harbinger of change in the women's position in the society. They own their lives and their choices. They are headstrong about defying all the traditions and norms that patriarchy has created to restrict women. They are ready to stand against anyone be it an abuser, recruiter, colleague, boss, friend or even parents. 

Can we stand against our parents?

It might be easier to oppose everyone who stands in the way of women's empowerment. But what about the family? Can we confidently raise our voices against our parents and elderly? Can we change their mindsets?

No matter what the world says, parents are our homes. We are physically and emotionally attached to them. Even a single tear in their eyes or a fever makes us afraid of losing them. While they put restrictions on us that are sometimes both illogical and patriarchal, we cannot oppose them without being sorry about it. For instance, if you keep following the idea of not entering the holy spaces during periods, won't it become your instinct or a subconscious behaviour? 

It is way too complicated when it comes to changing or opposing parental mindsets. After all, taking care of parents, financially and emotionally, is a feminist right too, isn't it? Women are not considered as the caretakers of their parental family. They are supposed to be devoted to their marital family. Therefore, a lot of us women live with this torn feeling too - we need to break patriarchal systems whilst also not losing ourselves in the process.

Society allows only conditional freedom to women

We women have conditional freedom in society. We can go out and study but cannot have fun beyond 7 pm. We can wear shorts or clothes showing bra straps but only when no one is around.  We can work, earn money and be independent but cannot say no to marriage and its responsibilities. Similarly, we can seek freedom in many sectors only if we agree to accept the conditions of society.

The women who remain rebels and defy the conditions of society have to face a hard time in life. Without support from parents, the struggle causes even more misery. They are shamed, outcasted, and made targets of crimes that they have been fighting against. Is this the result those women deserve for being on the side of the right? Are we ready to face that result? 

These scenarios beg the question- are we wholly feminists? 

I am not advising you to blindly accept what your parents or society says. Neither am I asking you to be a rebel at the cost of your parents' happiness. Society and our parents might not change but we know what is right and we should hold on to it so that our future is different. Feminism is about your happiness. If you are unconditionally happy in whatever you do, don't shy away from calling yourself a feminist. Be like water. Even if it spills or is poured into a container, it takes a new shape without affecting its taste. That is also feminism. 

Views expressed are the author's own.