5 Sex-Related Questions Every Newlywed Woman May Have

Are you a newly married woman preparing for your honeymoon? Or are you a woman who is soon going to get married? If yes, then this article is for you. The question that might be running in your mind most of the time is how would your sex experience with your husband be. Am I right? Some of you might even be wondering what you can do to make the sex after marriage memorable. While others who are virgins must be positively terrified about their first-sex experience. But do not fret. These questions and anxieties are normal. Of course, the sex with the husband has to be special then what is wrong in thinking about it? 

When a woman gets married in our society, she is told everything about taking care of the family, the husband's happiness and maintaining the relationships. But rarely does anyone tell her about the excitement of the sex and the sexual life after marriage. Even though women might be thinking about it, their thoughts are suppressed by the social norms that consider women's sexual feelings as 'wrong'. 

Some women find comfort in their friends who initiate conversations about sex after marriage. But most of them get married without learning about good sex or without knowing how important it is. 

But, Dr Sudeshna Ray, the Medical Director of Gytree.com, has got you covered. 

What if my period dates align with my marriage or honeymoon dates?

It is never exciting to have periods on festivals, trips or other events. And if it lies on the dates of your marriage or honeymoon, it squeezes all the fun out of it. Not just because you can't enjoy the ceremonies but also because of the sex!

Dr Sudeshna Ray says that you can see your gynaecologist two weeks prior to your expected period date or better one or two months before your marriage date or period dates. You can talk about how you can manage periods according to the dates of the important events. She says, "Mostly, they are done with hormonal pills that can be taken for 21 days or 5 days. They do come with a good fair amount of side effects like bloating, heavyheadedness, and breast pain. So please be well informed and well prepared." 

Am I going to have a lot of pain during the first sex?

Women who are virgins will definitely have this question. The first sex experience is subjective. Some women feel pain, while others don't. Some women bleed, while others don't. Some women feel  orgasm quite early, while others require a lot of foreplay. So will you experience pain during first sex? "Unlikely," says Dr Ray. 

"It is unlikely to have a lot of pain. It is okay to have a little bit of discomfort while positioning, and penetration. But it doesn't take more than a few attempts to get it all right." Dr Ray also added, "Things are far easier if you are comfortable with each other psychologically and emotionally. And of course, the couple needs to drop off a lot of inhibitions and explore each other's bodies physically well before the penetrative sex." 

But, what if I do not bleed when I have my first sex?

I remember reading a novel by Gabriel Garcia Marquez that talked about the obsession with 'red sheets' after the first night. If the sheets of the bed of the newly married couple are not red, it means that the bride isn't a virgin and hence immoral. The novel was written years ago but the obsession over a woman's virginity is still the same. If a woman doesn't bleed on her wedding night, it is assumed that she isn't a virgin and hence unsuitable for the family. 

But virginity is not a linear term. Biologically, virginity is related to the rupture of hymen which can happen even if a woman doesn't have sex. Even if a woman is not a virgin, it doesn't reduce her respect and agency. So do not obsess over a woman's virginity or the blood of the first sex

As Dr Ray rightly points out, "Dear women, your chastity doesn't lie in your hymen. Hymen is just a thin curtain of tissue at the mouth of the vagina and which can be very easily torn with activities like swimming, cycling, playing high-intensity sports and athletics."

Dr Ray further adds, "Most often with the active lifestyle you have as a teenager or as a young adult, it is highly likely that you will not have any bleeding during the first time you have penetrative sex. Most women are not even born with a hymen." 

How do I know if my husband doesn't have an infection? 

STIs are common yet serious issues. Sexual partners need to ensure that none of them have any kind of infection that can be communicable. However, doing this is not so easy in the marriage set-up. Mostly, marriages involve families. It is rarely about the couple and mostly about the relationship between the two families. In such a situation, women might feel uncomfortable asking questions regarding the sexual health of their husbands. But, dear women, families are not going to decide what happens on the bed. You have to decide what is better for you. 

Naturally, the husbands must step up and talk about their sexual health without waiting for the wives to ask or without getting offended. Until men grow up, dear women let us educate and prepare ourselves. 

Dr Ray says, "It can be done by being open and honest in relationships. Of course, there are tests to find out whether there are any STIs or not. But often, the old infections might not be evident or the newer infections will take some time to be picked up." 

She further says, "If there is anything like an ulcer, crack or a lump in the penis, it is a good idea to see an andrologist and till the time he sees an andrologist, it is a good idea to use condoms during penetrative sex."

So dear men, stop being defensive and accept STIs as normal. If you care for your partners which you should, please be open about your sexual health. 

  What if I can't have penetrative sex on my first night or even a few nights after that? Is there something wrong with me? 

"Most likely not," says Dr Sudeshna Ray 

Sex is an intimate activity that involves consent and bodily reactions. No matter how mandatory society has made, it is okay for a couple to not have sex or penetrative sex in the first few nights of the marriage. One should have sex only after being mentally and physically prepared for it. You need not feel guilty for saying no or for not being ready. It is always okay to delay the sex rather than give in just for the other's pleasure. Then, both the consent and the right to pleasure will be contentious. 

"It just gets easier with time and with more comfort and emotional bonding in the relationship. However, if you are still having a problem, you can see your gynaecologist to rule out some vaginal muscle spasms or a blocked vagina." Dr Ray says.

However, she further adds, "But please remember that these are very rare findings. Most women will have a completely normal anatomy and you don't need to have any proactive tests to find whether you have a normal anatomy or not. Sometimes even your partner might have difficulty in an erection, he might have a bent penis, or he might have a premature ejaculation for which he needs to see an andrologist before a successful penetrative sex."

So, not being ready for sex doesn't mean there is something wrong with your body. Your partner too could have issues. Women need to stop blaming themselves if sex is not done right. 

Views expressed are the author's own.