Why Female TikTok Influencers Are Urging Followers To Marry 'Provider Man'

In 2024, women are predominantly self-sufficient, confidently stepping into roles as breadwinners and providers.  As the cost of living continues to rise, with prices skyrocketing and expenses mounting, a controversial trend has emerged within the social media sphere, particularly on TikTok. Influencers are now urging women to secure financial stability by marrying wealthy men, advocating for a return to traditional gender roles under the guise of modern convenience and comfort. This trend, known as the "provider man" movement, encourages women to seek out wealthy partners who can provide financial stability. Prominent influencers advocate for this lifestyle, promising a "soft life" where women have the option to work or not, contingent upon finding a financially capable partner.

As these influencers gain followers, the conversation continues to evolve. Is this trend a reflection of a deeper societal shift, where financial pragmatism outweighs the ideals of independence and equality? Or is it merely a passing fad, a reaction to the unique economic pressures of our time?

The Rise of the "Provider Man" Movement

Social media, especially TikTok, has become a breeding ground for this new wave of advice, blending the nostalgia of traditional gender roles with the glamour of modern-day luxury. These influencers paint a picture of a lifestyle that promises ease, security, and financial freedom, starkly contrasting with the current economic struggles many face.

A prime example of this phenomenon is the story of Karla Elia. In 2022, at the age of 22, Elia was desperate to leave her parents' house. Disillusioned with school, which she felt would only lead to debt, and tired of her job as a leasing agent for a rental property in San Diego, she sought a different path. Her solution? Find a man who will provide for her. Elia turned to Bumble, where she met a 24-year-old military man. On their dates, she focused on how he fit into her future dreams, avoiding discussions about her past. When he showed her his credit and savings accounts, Elia decided she could live within his means. Four months later, they were married.

Elia's journey didn't end there. Sitting in her car, she recorded a video sharing her revelations: "Ladies, I found a way for you to attract the man of your dreams," she proclaimed. The video went viral, propelling Elia into the spotlight. She completed a "relationship-coaching program" and began selling her expertise online. Although she doesn't believe in contributing to household bills, she capitalized on her newfound fame. "I said, this is a great opportunity for me to serve women and make it my long-term career," Elia explains. "What better way to spend my days of 'work'?" Her follower count soared to 1 million.

 On TikTok, Elia teaches clients how to transition from millennial-coded "Boss Babes," who are unsustainably dedicated to work, to "Empire Queens," who delegate instead of doing it all themselves.

Another influencer, Sahar Khorramnezhad, known as @SisTalksWithSahar on TikTok, shares a similar story. Khorramnezhad was a corporate lawyer in New York when she met her now-fiancé, a financial analyst, in 2021. "I was so miserable; my partner looked at me and was like, You hate doing this," Khorramnezhad recalls. "He said, just quit, I got you, take time to figure out what it is that you want to do." For eight months, she didn’t work at all. Then she returned to school at Columbia to get a master’s degree in family law. Around the same time, she started a TikTok where she shared legal information and relationship advice, gaining a following of half a million. Despite being labeled a gold digger, Khorramnezhad remains unapologetic. "When everyone wants to get rich—oor at least seem like it—wwhat’s the problem with a little transparency?" she says. "The first thing a man will do when you talk about money is call you broke, uneducated, and ugly. I’m not ugly, I’m not broke, and I’m not uneducated." She points out that she makes more than half the men in her comments section and adds, "Most of them would give their life savings to lie in bed with me."

Drawing from diverse experiences, influencers like matchmaker Tiff Baira and dating coach May Kalinu also offer niche advice on finding financial stability through relationships. Whether it's targeting sugar daddies or marrying into "old-money" families, these influencers cater to specific desires and aspirations within their audiences.

Leading the charge in the high-value dating movement is Leticia Padua, also known as Shera Seven. Padua's advice encourages women  to aim for wealthier, older partners, urging them to prioritize financial stability in their relationships. Her catchphrase, "sprinkle sprinkle," has inspired countless followers to adopt her mindset and reject "dusty" men.

These TikTok stars, with their catchy hashtags and glamorous visuals, present a lifestyle that appears to offer an escape from the financial grind. They showcase opulent homes, lavish vacations, and designer wardrobes, all seemingly within reach through the simple act of marrying well. The message is clear: why struggle with the rising cost of living when you can live a life of comfort and luxury by securing a wealthy partner?

How Social Media Stars 'Influence' Relationships

For Katrina, a 31-year-old marketing professional based in Philadelphia, the shift in mindset came after stumbling upon Shera Seven's TikTok account during the pandemic. Katrina, who requested anonymity for this story to The Cut, found herself disillusioned after a two-year "situationship" with a man she describes  as "dusty"—someone who lived with his grandmother, earned $8 an hour, and treated her poorly while she supported him financially.

"I was, like Shera said, a pickmeisha," Katrina reflects. Shera's blunt advice resonated with her, echoing the wisdom of her own quick-witted Pisces mother. Previously, Katrina would say "yes" to any man who approached her, but now she frequents swanky bars, following Shera's guidance. And the results speak for themselves: recently, a man she was seeing flew her and her friends to Miami, treating them to lavish dinners and showers of luxury, all while compensating Katrina for her time. "That's another thing Shera says—you don't have to do anything, just show up, look beautiful, and his worth shoots up," Katrina explains.

Jasmine, a 31-year-old IT tech in Houston, has also found inspiration in Shera's teachings. Since following Shera, Jasmine has become more discerning, filtering out men who don't put in the effort. However, she keeps her admiration for the influencer a secret from conservative friends who view Shera's approach as inappropriate. According to Jasmine, there's a stigma surrounding discussions about money, especially in conservative circles. Despite facing criticism for embracing the "sprinkle-sprinkle" approach, Jasmine remains firm in her belief that prioritizing financial stability in relationships is a form of self-care. As Jasmine muses, "People get real funny about their money." Yet, when she looks around at family members who shoulder the dual responsibilities of providing for their families and caring for their children, she can't help but question whether they're truly happy. In a world where opportunities abound, why should she turn down a chance to experience the finer things in life, whether it's a date to the third row of the World Series or a spontaneous trip to Miami? For Jasmine and countless others, the answer is clear: Why settle for less when you can have it all?

The Countermovement: 'Soft Guy Era'

Despite the allure of the "provider man" lifestyle, the economic realities for most households today make this model impractical. In an era where dual-income households are often necessary to maintain a comfortable standard of living, relying solely on one partner's income is becoming increasingly difficult. The romanticized notion of the 'soft life' often overlooks these harsh realities, making the 'provider man' trend seem unrealistic for the majority.

In response to the "provider man" trend, a counter movement has emerged on TikTok, known as the "soft guy era." At its core, it seeks a reevaluation of gender roles and expectations, particularly concerning financial responsibilities within relationships. The movement urges men to relinquish the traditional role of sole provider and embrace a more balanced approach to partnership.

Influencers like Lil Goodie and Scarefacemark advocate for a more egalitarian approach to relationships, where financial responsibilities are shared. They argue that in today's economic climate, it is unrealistic and unfair for men to shoulder the entire financial burden. Instead, they promote the idea of partnership and shared contributions, challenging the traditional provider role.

As we sail through the twists and turns of modern romance, it's  clear that the impact of high-value dating influencers ain't going anywhere. Whether it's snagging a 'provider man' or putting financial stability front and center, these TikTok queens are writing the script on love in the digital age.

On the flip side, there's the soft guy era, which offers a different perspective on romance. While gestures like opening doors and paying for dates are seen as symbols of respect and courtesy, they shouldn't be confined to specific gender roles. They believe and seek women looking for  healthy relationships that thrive on mutual respect and appreciation, where both partners contribute equally to each other's growth and happiness.

So, which trend is better to follow: the 'Provider Man' or the 'Soft Guy Era'? The choice is yours, my friend. Just remember, love's all about finding that perfect balance.