Stand-Up Comedian Trolled For Disliking Mother's Choice In Men. Did She Deserve That?

Will you marry a person of your parents’ choice? It could be yes or a no. But we can definitely say that it is a choice. However, when a woman expressed that she doesn’t wanna marry a man of her mother’s choice, she was shamed as ‘nalayak aulad’.

Indian female Stand-up comedian, Shashi  Dhiman recently talked about how she doesn’t like her mother’s choice of men. She said, “I will never marry as per my mom’s wishes because I see my dad every day. She has such a bad choice.” Her video which has been uploaded on YouTube as Dating and Indian Parents has received a lot of criticism for the aforementioned statement.

Trolls have called her nalayak aulad for shaming her father. Some even said, “Blatant badtameezi, Thursday stand-up comedians think they can say anything about anybody in the guise of dark humour.” One of the trolls said, “That tells us where she got her looks from. Mystery solved.”

But does this criticism even make sense? Should Dhiman deserve the hatred that she is being subjected to? Is her choice, which is again humour, so controversial? Or it has become controversial because of her gender?

Marrying a person of my parents’ choice was a necessity years ago. Then, people, especially women, didn’t have a say in who they wanna marry. They rarely saw each other’s faces before the day of the marriage. This led to many failed marriages and toxic relationships under which women suffer the most.

Shashi Dhiman Trolled For Disliking Mother's Choice In Men

I remember one of my aunts who saw her groom only while exchanging garlands cried bitterly. Why? Because she didn’t like the groom that her parents had selected for her.

I am not saying that parents’ choice is always wrong. But was the necessity even helpful? If people do not see, talk or know the person, how they are going to spend their life together, how will they sustain the marriage?

Today, although, things have changed. Parents can no longer control the choices of their offspring. A person can reject a parent’s choice if they don’t like it. But for women, it is somewhat the same. As in, they still have to conform to their parents’ choices in most cases. If not in urban India, then surely in rural India. I asked some women around whether they married according to their choice. And their reply was, “We married blindly to the person my parents chose.” Women don't have the equal freedom of being 'choosy as men when it comes to marriage.

Similarly, is it not possible that women like Dhiman’s parents too married without knowing each other properly? Is it not possible that their parents too married under the pressure of the family, despite their likes and choices? We cannot rest our judgment on the fate of the person. Fortunately, if one or two relationships that are tied under pressure work, it doesn’t mean marrying against choice is always right.

So what is wrong if Dhiman doesn’t like her mother’s choice of men? She is not criticising her father but his personality as a man. Moreover, she has said it in the guise of humour which clearly points out the injustice in match-making. She is trying to take the control of her life into her hands. And I don’t see anything wrong with it.

Marrying a person of our choice is always safe. Neither do we blame our parents for the wrong choice, nor do we have to face the consequences of a failed marriage. The choice is not always in a love marriage. An arranged marriage can also be fixed as per a person’s choice. However, chances are that marriages based on choice also fail. But at least the couple had the choice before entering into any relationship, which is a mandatory right.

Views expressed are the author's own.

Suggested Reading: ‘Till Death Do Us Part’: Is It Right To Label Marriages As Lifetime Commitment?