By Binjal Shah

If you’re someone whose opinions are worth anything to the world, you have positively been asked to reveal who you’re batting for- “Are you a Feminist?” Did you break into a sweat, shrug ineptly and say you aren’t too sure, or even denied it indignantly and go to the extent of saying you’re fiercely against it? Presenting Vogue Empower’s video starring Deepika Padukone as my side of the argument- I would like to take the stage and put out the fire of fallacy in your heart.

Do you Cringe at the Idea of being called a Feminist?

You cringe at the idea of being tagged a “Feminist,” as its modern day interpretation has made it appalling enough to be the other F-Word. This would make for a mind-blowing conspiracy theory - in the process of fighting stereotypes, being a ‘feminist’ itself has turned into a certain stereotype- and, as our hypothetical-or-not mastermind theorist would have had it- an undesirable one.

 Is 'Feminist' Itself a Stereotype?

The identity of that stereotype is- “Bloody man-hater.” Another classic trait you will be accessorized with- “She’s definitely a lesbian.” Most people don’t stop at that. “Bet she’s a slob and doesn’t shower or shave for months because that’s selling out to cosmetic companies and their gimmicky ideas of beauty, and she just wants to be a rebel.”

This is why, Deepika’s video, standing tall on freedom of choice, sets the record straight. That’s feminism for you, my reluctant closet-feminists. Let me show you how. The following 5 moments in the video, explain how feminism doesn’t aim to confine you to a designated set of beliefs and mannerisms. Contrary to that- the idea of feminism is to fight elements and entities that place any confines on your beliefs, and the way you want to live your life. Don't be anyone else's idea of a perfect woman- heck, there's no such thing. Let's address a few things in the video.

1.       I could be a size zero or a size fifteen, MY choice:

Your self-image as a woman is complicated. Either you try to conform to conventions or you try to conform to conventions. In that regard, if you want to be a feminist, are you expected to keep letting yourself spill over all eight directions just to take a stand? Here’s a liberating idea- NO. Your self-image should be based on your idea of beauty, what you would like to see in the mirror. And if that means you want to see a curvilicious pretzel in the mirror, go for it. And if you don’t mind seeing an equally yummy three-tiered wedding cake, you are allowed to not care a hoot.

(The video has made some poor calls in representing a voluptuous frame with someone who is pregnant. Pregnant women are never body-shamed, not even in a nation like India.)

2.       To marry or not to marry. To love a man or a woman or both.  To choose from all 7 billion, MY choice:

While this idea stands true for a man as well, the stigma attached to a woman who has made unorthodox choices is certainly more piercing. “A woman’s identity is only completed by the husband who agrees to take her, and the purpose of her existence only fulfilled when she nurtures a family” is a notion that has stood the test of time.

So does being a feminist entail being a lesbian, and not marrying or loving a man with all your heart, because that shows you as weak or dependent? This is an LGBT rights issue as much as a women’s rights one. Remember the clichéd notion- Love isn’t a sign of weakness, it proves the strength of your heart? That’s my answer. And while we’re on the subject of clichés- love is blind. If you do find a man OR a woman who loves and respects you for what you are, by all means- pledge a part of your passionate heart to them. And show the world that heart is still safe for work. Similarly, you are entitled to even lay off the search-dogs for the ‘one’, if that’s what you want. Bottom-line- don’t try to be anything you’re not, in order to prove yourself as a feminist. That defeats the entire purpose. I can choose to be on my own, be financially independent- that doesn't strip me of my femininity. Similarly, I can be a stay-at-home mom whose idea of happiness and satisfaction is pivoting a healthy and happy family-  that doesn't make me any less of a feminist. As long as the way I live my life is MY choice

3.       To have sex, to not have sex, to love temporarily or lust forever, MY choice:

Sex holds different meanings for different people. The problem is when some of these meanings are considered to be “wrong.” It stems from the idea that women don’t enjoy sex and are just rendering it as a selfless service to pleasure their men. Also from the notion that sex MUST be a deeply emotional bond that builds a nexus between two souls and yadda yadda. Well, it CAN be, but it may well not be. So if you enjoy sex, which you most definitely will- should you feel ashamed? I can answer that. ‘No’. Who said so? Biology.

At the other end of the spectrum- as a feminist, are you expected to keep having what they call “meaningless” sex to prove a point? No, don’t seek the meaning of sex from outside your being, the answer is within. If sex is too personal for you, share it with someone you choose and see worthy. If sex is recreational to you, have it with anyone you choose and see as fitting. Perhaps the only influencing variable here is not of the ‘meaning’ of a sexual relation, it is of the ‘consent’ in the relationship. This of course, refers to freedom of having sex without being involved in a monogamous relationship/ marriage.

(Another line in the video states, “It’s my choice to have sex outside my marriage.” This is a gray area. In society, the act of adultery is frowned upon from a moral standpoint, not a gendered one. And having said that, how a couple sees adultery committed by one of them is their prerogative and issue, not a feminist’s one. This clause was unnecessary and uncalled for.)

4.       The Bindi, the ring, last name, these are just ornaments, they can be replaced.

This was more of a warning. A strong, independent woman, a ‘feminist’ may well take pride in adorning herself with a bindi- she may see it as the emblem of an Indian woman’s unique rustic beauty. She may always keep her ring on- to her, it might be a reminder of the sacred vow she took.  She may take a man’s last name- unifying her identity with her husband’s portrays that they are two souls joined as one. Neither of these could be used as instruments to exert control over a woman’s will. SHE made the choice to make those changes in her appearance and life for you, but these are just things. Take advantage of the importance they hold for a woman, misuse them, misinterpret their meaning- and you’ll be shocked at how quickly she can shed them off like dead skin. With these symbols, show love- not possession.

5.       Don’t be upset if I come home at 4 am, or fooled if I come back at 6 pm:

If I do come home at sundown- it is not because I’m afraid of the uncertainty of the dark. To be a feminist, anarchy isn’t a prescribed drug. It is a choice. Staying at home doesn’t indicate my compulsion to conform, similarly- braving a formidable nightscape just points to my yearning for adventure. .