Is Repeatedly 'Anxious Calling' Your Loved Ones Fair?

I am often overwhelmed by past traumas. Being a recluse, I find no one around me. With no option left, I pick up my mobile phone and call everybody to save me. This is anxiety calling - the calls made during anxiety with the expectation that someone will save you and make you feel relaxed. However, sometimes, people I call in a state of peak anxiety do not answer. Sometimes, because they are busy; other times because they are either asleep or cannot take calls in the wee hours. Unfortunately, anxiety and loneliness hit the most during those wee hours.

Even though the people I call in the wee hours call back in the morning with concern, I don't need it anymore as the battle has ended by then. This makes me alone, which in retrospect begs the question - Are ‘anxious callings’ right or not? Is it always fair to depend on others to save ourselves from increasing anxiety? Is it fair to blame your loved ones for not being available at the drop of a hat?

Anxiety and Loneliness

Loneliness has a peculiar characteristic especially when it hits people who are introverts. As we all know, introverts do not like to interact. They love their personal space and feel the most comfortable in it. But when they get anxious, they are at a disadvantage in my experience. First, because the anxiety-induced loneliness makes them feel as if they are drowning in a deep ocean. The second is the confusion of whether or not to break the inhibitions of not interacting with people. I am one of them. 

Even though people respond to my anxious calls, I don't know what to say. I avoid crowds and yet feel lonely when I am alone. 

Seek support from people for mental health issues but don't depend on it

Let me tell you one thing that my therapist told me. I used to call her too when I was anxious. Even though she picked up my calls even late at night, she asked me how long can I depend on others to save myself. I need to learn to manage myself on my own. "No one stays forever. Then why should you depend on anyone for your welfare?" she said.

Her words really made sense. Everyone says that people suffering from mental health disorders must seek help. They must talk to people about their feelings and seek their support. But mental health issues are not like viral fevers that go away in a week or so. It is a long-lasting and, sometimes, a lifetime state that affects each day of your life. Then, is talking to someone every day and seeking their help feasible? Is feeling guilty and left out each day when the other person is too busy to take your calls right? Is breaching other's boundaries every day and taking them for granted right?

I am not denying that talking to others during a peak anxious state acts as an intervention. It indeed helps many people to calm down and rationalise their emotions. However, can this over-dependence on others help us heal? 

You own the healing process  

Healing from mental health issues is not a smooth process. It has a lot of ups and downs. Sometimes, you might feel that you are actually coming out of the darkness. But then, there is a relapse and you fall back into it. However, it is you who has to work hard to identify the pattern of the disorder, the reason behind anxieties, the right coping mechanism and how to channelise your emotions in a healthy way. Thank those who make you realise your worth but their effort will be futile if you don't feel that worth when you see yourself in the mirror. So, it is all about acceptance too.

Views expressed are the author's own.