Menopause Is Ruining My Sex Life. How Can I Stop Feeling Sad And Numb?

Hello, my name is Linda, and I’m 55 years old. I never thought I’d be writing about something so personal, but here I am. The truth is, menopause has changed my life in ways I never expected, and one of the hardest changes has been the impact it’s had on my sex life.

I used to enjoy intimacy with my partner. It was a vital part of our relationship, something that brought us closer together. But over the past few years, that’s changed. My libido has all but disappeared, and sex has become more of a source of sadness and frustration than pleasure.

Diminished Libido!

Before menopause, I had a healthy sex drive. I felt connected to my partner, and we shared a special closeness. But as I entered menopause, things began to shift. At first, it was subtle—a lack of interest here, a feeling of discomfort there. But over time, my desire for sex dwindled to almost nothing. It wasn’t just about not wanting sex; it was about not feeling anything at all.

This change has been incredibly difficult for me. I feel like a part of me has gone missing, and I don’t know how to get it back. I miss the intimacy, the connection, the joy that sex once brought into my life. Now, I find myself avoiding it, making excuses, and feeling guilty for not being able to give my partner what he needs. The worst part is, I don’t know how to fix it.

Sadness of Feeling Alone!

What makes this even harder is the feeling of isolation. When I talk to my friends, they nod in understanding, but there’s an unspoken agreement that this is just something we have to accept. It’s as if we’re all silently suffering, too embarrassed or ashamed to admit how much this hurts.

I’ve tried talking to my doctor about it, but the conversation always seems to end the same way—with suggestions that don’t seem to help. “Try using lubrication,” they say, or “It’s just part of ageing.” But it doesn’t feel like just a part of ageing to me. It feels like a loss like something essential has been taken away, and I’m left grieving for what once was.

What were the options? 

The most frustrating part is the lack of real solutions. I’ve read articles, tried supplements, even looked into hormone replacement therapy, but nothing has brought back the spark I once had. I know I’m not alone in this; countless women are going through the same thing, yet there seems to be so little understanding or support for us.

Why isn’t there more research, more options, more conversation about this? Why do we have to suffer in silence, pretending that we’re okay with the way things are? It feels like the medical community, and society in general, has just accepted that women of a certain age no longer need or deserve a fulfilling sex life. But that’s not true—I still want to feel close to my partner, to experience that connection, to enjoy my body the way I used to.

The Emotional Toll

The emotional toll this has taken on me is profound. I’ve always seen myself as a confident, sexual person, and now I feel like a shadow of my former self. I’m sad, disappointed, and more than a little angry. I didn’t choose this, and I don’t want to accept it as my new normal. But I’m at a loss for what to do.

I’ve tried talking to my partner, and while he’s understanding, I know he misses the intimacy too. It’s affected our relationship and created a distance that wasn’t there before. We still love each other deeply, but this aspect of our lives feels broken, and I don’t know how to repair it.

The Need for Change

What I wish is that more people understood what we’re going through. That there were more resources, more open discussions, and more real solutions. I want doctors to take this seriously, to offer more than just the usual advice that doesn’t address the heart of the issue. I want society to recognise that just because we’re getting older doesn’t mean we’ve lost our desire for intimacy and connection.

I’m sharing my story not because I have the answers, but because I want others to know they’re not alone. If you’re going through this, I see you, and I understand your pain. It’s okay to feel disappointed, to feel sad, to want more than what you’re experiencing right now.

I heard about Gytree’s menopause club and I am delighted to know that a platform is organising things like this. We are desperate for these.

A Hope for the Future

I don’t have a neat conclusion or a happy ending to offer. This is something I’m still struggling with, and I don’t know what the future holds. But I do know that I’m not willing to give up on this part of my life. I’m going to keep searching for answers, keep pushing for better options, and keep talking about it until we’re all heard.

We deserve to feel whole, to feel connected, and to enjoy our bodies, no matter our age. It’s time to stop accepting bad sex as an inevitable part of menopause and start demanding more—for ourselves, for our partners, and for the women who will come after us.

Views expressed by the author are their own.