It Brings You Home: The Commonality Between Modern & Traditional Tales Of Love

"It takes strength to know what's right. And love isn't something that weak people do. Being a romantic takes a hell of a lot of hope." The words of the popular priest from Fleabag are the truest description of love I have heard until I saw two people who gave life to my notion of love. Home. We tried capturing the essence of love by interviewing two couples, one, a modern tale and another as traditional. 

Do our beliefs limit our understanding of love? SheThePeople delves into the contrasting narratives of modern and traditional love stories to uncover the essence of cultivating an uncomplicated love, one that is simple.

Tales of Love!

Love is rarely what we believe it to be and when we do find it, it seems like the most effortless thing in the world. Contrary to the popular notion of sacrificing yourself for love or having stomach-flipping highs and lows with a side of butterflies, love is simple. Our modern-day couple (both 20 years old) were asked what relationship means to them and they said, "It is merely a tag for two people who deeply care about each other, improve each other and be there even when no one else is." (Please note, this couple is in love and have also thought about marrying each other). Their thoughts on marriage did differ, the male partner mentioned, "It can be the most beautiful thing in the world or the worst.

"I have been around some old-school marriages and they have ruined my perception of marriage. I am in a relationship and I am very happy being in it but marriage creates unnecessary pressure. It's not just two people anymore, it's the whole family. Marriage is a massacre to love." On the other hand, the female partner said, "It is a form of lifelong commitment with shared duties and responsibilities with selfless attitude and a sense of security. A person with whom you can grow old."

When asked about cheating the girl said, "I feel cheating is not an option. If you start liking someone else you should sort your mind and think why this thought is coming. You should think about what you want and sort it with the person you're with. Maybe also think why do you suddenly like this other person?" The boy said, "I am at a stage in my relationship where cheating is replaced with the idea of being cheated on. My best friend was with two beautiful women and he still cheated on both of them."

After endless conversations and hilarious anecdotes, our modern couple seemed very much in love. In lieu of many modern day couples and their notion on love and marriage, can it be said that we are afraid of emotional intimacy? Afraid to peel our real selves and reveal our raw emotions? Afraid to be vulnerable? Our traditional couple answers these questions. 

Traditional Tale of Vow

A classic traditional Indian romance blossomed during the matrimonial ceremonies where lives and love was dependent on the mercy of families. While many shun the idea of arranged marriages, I assure you, this one will not leave you disappointed but hopeful. Married for more than fifty years now, this traditional couple are two doctors who found love in the most mundane way one can imagine- by actually staying together (something new for Gen Z).

For them, marriage meant being set up by their family and pandits with a thorough background check of both and finally meeting at the altar. Dr Raj Bala Gupta and Dr Om Prakash Gupta (both 70 years old) shared a few insights on their marriage. 

When asked about love, Dr Gupta said, "In arranged marriages there is already a commitment so love happens anyways (starts laughing)." He continued by saying, "For love to actually be there you need to understand every flaw of the other person and be okay with it. You need to make it work everyday and say that this is the person I will love for the rest of my life. The love that happens naturally, on its own without any pushes, pressures or worries is the strongest one, like fevicol, like Dr Raj Bala and I have." When asked about dating, he said, "It is like a war zone with constant mind games and too much worry with no long term thinking. People come together and leave as if it meant nothing." Amen to that I say!

The secret to their marriage is home. On talking about things he liked and disliked about his wife, Dr Gupta laughed and said, "In 50 years I like everything about her, what's not to like?" He continued, "Since 50 years to this day I have kept her words higher than me, always. Your nani is simple and so am I. We agree with each other and give eachother things they need. We keep spending our days in one room despite having such a grand house. 24 hours a day we can spend together in silence in one room with just each other and we love that. At the end, it's the person you would share your 24 hours with."

Dr Raj Bala Gupta added, "The base of our marriage is our family. Today there is a craze of love among people which wears off in some time and boys and girls often lie to each other. Who knows what love is? But real relationships need work everyday and it takes more than love to sustain one."

Dissecting relationships based on generation gaps might not give us the clearest image of relationships but it did tell us that neither are wrong nor right. There are many traditional romantics who suffer and many modern lovers who blossom till 60. The young girl from our modern couple stated how women today know their worth and put their needs first yet we see how 50 years ago Dr Raj Bala Gupta managed a hospital and a family with a healthy marriage.

The notion is not old or new, it is abiding. Love is not as grand and metaphysical as we perceive it to be, it is as simple as listening, respecting and spending days after days together even if it's in silence. Love is not about finding 'the one', it is about being the one. You can only love someone so much when you truly love yourself first and know what it means to sustain a life with someone else.

Views expressed are those of the interviewees'.