Why Is It Assumed That Working Women Juggle Two Worlds Stress-Free?

Dr Annapurni Subramaniam, Director of the Indian Institute of Astrophysics, recently made a poignant remark highlighting that nobody inquires about how she navigates stress; it is automatically assumed that the woman in a family effortlessly juggles between her professional duties and personal life without faltering. At the recent ABP Ideas of India Summit, the astronomer opened a dialogue about the expectations set on women to balance multiple responsibilities of career, household, health, and personal fulfilment. In a conversation with Shaili Chopra, founder of SheThePeople and Gytree, Subramaniam emphasised the need for society to recognise and support women in managing their diverse roles without succumbing to overwhelming stress.

It is often presumed that women seamlessly transition into 'caretaker mode' the minute they get home from work, shedding their professional skin at the door. No matter how long the day has been, they are not allowed space to decompress or open up about their troubles regardless of the intensity of their day. 

Astronomer Annapurni Subramaniam On Work-Life Balance

Speaking to Shaili Chopra, astronomer Annapurni Subramaniam addressed a pressing concern that most women face-- the myth of the 'work-life balance'. This concept is nothing short of a fantasy for women because they are not expected to find a balance between their career and personal lives, but rather to live two separate worlds that do not intersect.

Drawing from her experience, Subramaniam expressed, "I was just thinking about this a few days ago and I realised that no one at home asks 'How are you managing your stress levels?' It is taken for granted that you somehow manage everything and somehow whip a wand and swish swash, everything is done! It's a general [mindset that] 'She's okay.'"

Subramaniam is one of the most influential scientists in India, taking the country to new dimensions of space exploration and innovation. She is also a classical violinist demonstrating a remarkable blend of artistic expression and scientific acumen. Yet, when it came to the household or the family, she faced a lack of support to propel her personal endeavours.

She talked about the early days of her marriage and motherhood when she had to prioritise the household over her career. "The support system was not geared up so it was difficult. My husband was always at his job, always moving. So it was up to me to manage my health, my children's health, my work, and everything at home."

Subramaniam also opened up about days when the responsibilities overlapped, forcing her to take a step back. "Sometimes I'd spend a week fully at work but the next week if somebody was sick at home I had to take charge of it. I had to take a step back and tell myself, 'Okay, slow down. This week I can do only this. I can push back next week'," she described.  

Enough Is Enough

Annapurni Subramaniam described that while she faced a tough time earlier, she eventually learnt the ropes of asserting her needs and found support from her family. She delved into the need for women to speak up and rightfully set boundaries about what they refuse to tolerate. Subramaniam maintained that demarking these rules is not only about her self-care but also instils responsibility in the family. 

"I have put in a framework at home that everybody has to make their own breakfast. If you don't know how to make it, please find out how to or you can go without breakfast. So my children and husband know exactly how to survive when I am travelling outside for work," she exemplified. "So you have to blurt out that this is the framework, everybody has to follow it."

Subramaniam further said, "You have to find and convince yourself what you think is achievable and not cut corners on that. You also need to identify what you do not want to do and avoid it even if somebody else is imposing it on you. There has to be some distinction. Moreover, as someone who wants to do multiple things, you cannot do everything every day."

Dr Annapurni Subramaniam's candid discussion sheds light on women's pervasive quest for work-life balance and the lack of support in this journey. As a renowned scientist and a dedicated family member, her 'career vs family' struggle underscores the need for societal recognition and support for women in navigating their diverse roles while holding on to their own identities.

Through her personal experiences, Subramaniam emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries and fostering a supportive environment within the family. As she aptly puts it, finding a balance requires not only self-awareness but also the courage to speak up and advocate for one's own needs and to strive for a more equitable and understanding society.

Views expressed by author are their own