Why Do Women Fake Orgasms: Bhumi Pednekar, TYFC Team Share Thoughts

Why do women feel compelled to fake orgasms? Why is the topic of orgasm still hushed up and avoided in public conversations? And why haven't we initiated a much-needed dialogue exclusively by and for women to change these norms?

The highly anticipated film Thank You for Coming is poised to kickstart essential conversations on topics like women's satisfaction in intimate relationships. As Karan Boolani's sex comedy, starring Bhumi Pednekar approaches its release in India, the entire team, from producer to actors, sat down with SheThePeople to delve into some raw and candid truths about women, orgasms, and their sexuality.

Produced by Rhea Kapoor and starring a dynamic ensemble including Bhumi Pednekar, Shehnaaz Gill, Kusha Kapila, Dolly Singh, and Shibani Bedi in prominent roles, this film raises a burning question: Why is women's pleasure often underestimated and overlooked? As we delved into this crucial topic, each of these women shared their unique and thought-provoking opinions. Let's dive in and explore their perspectives.

We're the fixers, so how can we point out a problem?

Kapoor said, “It's just sometimes I feel like a lot of girls feel like if they don't act like they are having a great time or if they give an indication that anything is wrong, We are the fixers. Girls are the ones who make sure everything is okay. So how can you be the one to point out a problem?"

The Veere Di Wedding producer explained, "It's a way of giving validation. You're faking your orgasm and giving validation that I'm having a great time. But actually, you're not; you're not having anything at all. So, first and foremost, they fake orgasms because it's easier than dealing with making anybody upset, making them feel like less of a man, making them disappointed, and making them feel any of these things."

She added. "Also, you don't want to deal with the fallout of it because you don't know what that fallout is going to be. Will they not want you anymore? Will they not love you anymore? Will they start to see you as difficult? Will they start to see you as someone who complains?"

Shibani Bedi joined the conversation, expressing, "So I feel like a lot of the time you just want it to be over. I mean, sometimes it's so bad, and they're like, Oh my God, let's just get done with it. And that's so sad."

We grow up in a sex-negative environment, avoiding self-exploration!

Bedi contributed a personal perspective to the conversation, sharing, "It is something based on my own experiences, for the longest time, I didn't know what worked for my body. We are raised in a sex-negative environment where sex is considered taboo, and we don't even explore our bodies. So, even if one wants to communicate, it's a struggle to know what to say. I didn't know."

In agreement, Kapoor stated that when she was younger, it was often the case, and it was because of the lack of proper information. She added, "It's like girls should be talking to each other because you're getting wrong information from men and you're getting wrong information from porn. Let me tell you, it's lying to you." 

She went on to say that this misleading information can make women feel like there's something wrong with them. Initially, most girls tend to blame themselves, thinking they're the problem and unsure if the information they have is correct. "Many of us try to act cool, but in reality, we're clueless, so I'll reiterate that the key is communication, whether with your partner, your girlfriends, or someone you're comfortable talking to."

"We have no examples. We're left to figure everything out by ourselves"

Kapila explained it by giving an example where she compares women with diamonds, recalling when she played Naina in South Delhi Girls, in which she says, 'I'm a diamond.' She said, "So, women are often treated as valuable things, like hidden treasures in a bank. We're stored away, like jewellery collected over time. We don't know when to shine or what to do with it all. Suddenly, one day, we're given away at weddings, and then we're married. But we still don't know where to stand or how to handle it all. We lack guidance about our feelings. Our mothers, who never talked to us about this before, now expect us to talk about our wedding night. They never asked us anything before, and now we're supposed to say, 'I'm a diamond.' We have no examples and no one to help us. There's no plan, no crash courses. We're left to figure everything out by ourselves."

Kapoor added to it, "Isn't it wild how nobody talks to you about sex? But the minute you get married, everyone's like, Now I have a baby. You're like, okay. So first, it's abstinence, and now I'm supposed to just go at it. And you're just like, What is happening? I'm so confused. Is it good? Is it bad? So I feel like our attitudes when it comes to sex are so similar to what she's saying. It's always seen as a negative thing. And it's treated as this thing that you're supposed to hide."

Kapila added, "It doesn't exist. Is sambhog an activity? It takes time to figure it out for both parties. So how will you figure out in one night when you've not been sexually active all your life? And then there is a lot of give-and-take. It's something that gives you a lot of emotions. So it takes time, and it takes time to perfect it.”

We must unlearn shame, especially as women

Dolly added, "We need to unlearn the shame associated with everything, especially as women. We've had to hide even basic things like periods. Girls are afraid to talk about these topics with each other. We've learned incorrect information from porn and peers. Men often don't know either. We need more open conversations. I'm glad to see new-generation girls growing up confidently and discussing these things. The movie is also helping change how these topics are portrayed."

Throughout the years, movies have consistently taken on the role of breaking down societal taboos, and this film follows that tradition. The film is set to release in theatres on October 6.

Suggested Reading: How Thank You For Coming Extends Conversation On Female Desire