How Sonia Gupta Is Rediscovering Herself After Breaking Out Of Rocky Marriage

"All marriages have problems." "Don't be selfish. Think about your children." "Divorcee? More like damaged goods." These are the kinds of judgemental comments that people, mostly women, get to hear when they consider ending their marriage. In South Asian society, in particular, divorce comes with a huge stigma, often forcing people to tolerate loveless relationships; but that's not Sonia Gupta. The mother-of-two from London boldly broke out of her tumultuous marriage, found a new version of herself, and soon became a divorce mentor and public speaker.

In an interview with SheThePeople, Gupta narrated her divorce story and its effect on her self-growth and family dynamics. She got candid about her parents' indifference to her decision and how she healed through it to emerge as a much happier and contented version of herself.

Sonia Gupta's Story

Sonia Gupta was born and raised in the UK by immigrant parents from Delhi. She got married in 2003, but about seven years later, she found herself at a crossroads when her relationship started to feel unfulfilling. While divorce sounded daunting, she knew it was the right decision for herself and her children. However, it took her several years to make the final call.

"I decided I needed to leave my marriage. It wasn't right for me. But being from the Indian culture, my parents weren't on my side till about 2017-18. It was really hard for me. I would have arguments with my ex-husband and go to my parents' place for support, only to see hear my mom say 'You've ruined my life! You're bringing shame to the family!' These words were really embedded in my brain. So there was a lot of guilt," Gupta expressed.

Gupta finally got divorced in 2021, ringing in a joyous celebration of her refound freedom. If finding "the one" is a cause for rejoicing, why shouldn't letting go of a misfit be one too? Gupta challenged norms by throwing a 'divorce party' to announce the reclamation of her happiness and independence. 

The one-of-a-kind party made big news, after which Gupta received many calls from other divorcees seeking support. That was how she embarked on her entrepreneurial journey as a divorce mentor, inspiring several people to cultivate self-confidence and new relationships. She has won several awards and spoken at high-profile organisations including the House of Commons, UK.

"I'm Free And Happy"

Sonia Gupta did not buy into the misconception that she had to remain in her marriage for the sake of her children. She believes that she is teaching her sons, 19 and 13 years old, about healthy relationships and boundaries through her example. "Being honest with them has made such a difference. My children are happier now that me and their dad are separated. None of us was effective as parents because we were both so miserable. So now the children get the best of us," the single mother proudly said.

Speaking about the healing processes for her sons, Gupta shared, "My sons have friends with single or separated parents so there's an automatic bond between them. That kind of networking has been really helpful. Also, I think the more confident you are in your journey, the more the children are happier. If I start being miserable, always crying in a corner, then obviously that has an impact on them. I've been showing them to be strong and not to stay in toxic situations. You deserve to be happy. You have one life. You need to make it count."

As for her relationship with her mother, not much has changed. "Even now, after all the news coverage and my business, my mother asks me, 'Are you sure you made the right decision?' I am waiting for the day she says I made the right decision, but I don't think that's ever happening. She finds it difficult to see me 'alone'; but I'm not alone. I'm free and happy!"

Gupta added, "I think the older generation should listen to their children. If a child comes to you and says they want a divorce, the family should realise that it's a really hard decision they've made, and so they should support them and not go against them."

Self-Discovery Journey

The divorce has also been an essential part of Gupta's journey to embrace her authentic, eccentric self; and her vibrant purple-pink hair has played a big role in expressing this eccentricity post-separation. Sharing why she chose the striking colour, Gupta expressed, "I am quite loud. I'm quite colourful. When I went through my divorce, I was just miserable. So I got this colour as a way of expressing myself."

She continued, "I felt like my parents weren't hearing me when I was trying to free myself, and I think the hair evolved because of that. I suppose I was trying to be seen and heard. I went from having brown black hair to a little bit of red, a little bit of purple. It just evolved. Then I got this and I love it now!"

When asked to share a message for her younger self and future self, Sonia Gupta expressed, "In Asian culture, you'll be known as a daughter, then you're a wife, then you're daughter-in-law, and then you're a mother. Where do you get you? So I would tell my younger self to spend more time finding out who I am as a person. And it's really important to find yourself before you go into any relationship. To my future self, I say, 'Don't settle for second best.'"