Women Are Expected To Have Babies, Not Orgasms: Says Leeza Mangaldas

India still considers the term sex and the associated words taboo making it difficult for people to have a healthy sexual life. Leeza Mangaldas recently came out with a book titled, The Sex Book, and she attempts to help youngsters and adults to know better about their bodies and encourage everyone to start a healthy conversation about sex education. Leeza Mangaldas spoke to SheThePeople recently.

Leeza Mangaldas has been a popular face on social media due to her efforts in creating content about sexual health and awareness for the last five years. Mangaldas uses fun ways to reach the younger audience by starting a conversation about sex education and knowing about body parts that were not typically taught in school. She promotes sex positivity and encourages people of all genders, sexual preferences and ages to be more confident about their sexual desires. She encourages them to know the correct information and not treat talking about sex and desire as a stigma. She has her own podcast called The Sex Podcast, where she brings in guests and also creates regular content on sex education. Mangaldas has a community of 882k on her Instagram where she shares all sorts of conversations with her audience and listens to them as well.

Leeza Mangaldas Interview: The Sex Book

Mangaldas shared her experience while writing the book and the important topics about women and their bodies that are often missed out on or shamed by society. When asked why she thought this was the right time to author this book, Mangaldas explained, "I have been creating sex-positive content for five years almost and I enjoy making short-form content but I think the topics sexuality and sexuality education is so expansive that a 30-sec reel or for that matter 30 mins are not enough. So I wanted to be able to structure the information and write a sort of comprehensive resource for people who are keen to learn more." 

Myths Told To Women That Should Be Stopped

When asked what are the five myths told to women about their bodies, Mangaldas began by pointing out that the entire concept of virginity is flawed and that women are expected to be unreal and unscientific. Women are expected to bleed on their first night of sex and the idea of the hymen tearing down or breaking her seal. Secondly, she points out that women are told sex is painful for them and no conversation about their pleasure is spoken. Women's clitoris is not spoken about, most women don't know that they have it for pleasure because sex is not just penetration but also feeling good too. The fact is that G-spot is not a particular button to press but an area around the upper vaginal wall which can be used to arouse women. Lastly, the lie that menstruation is a shameful thing should be not told anymore.

Male Gaze In The Sex Book And Its Name

Mangaldas says that she being a woman, is bringing her own female gaze into the narrative. She has tried to put forward female bodies and pleasure as it was her own preference. Dismantling stigmas around sexual health and addressing people regardless of gender and beyond the binary. She says, "I don't think there is a male gaze conditioning in my book as I actively resisted it."

Mangaldas shares that even doctors and other medical professionals skip using proper sexual terms and rather use euphemisms showing how deeply we are averted from being sex-positive. She said, "I want to own it and not give in to the shame and name my book something similarly euphemistic." 

Why Is Women's Sexuality A Stigma?

Mangaldas, while answering the question, said "Women are expected to have babies and not orgasms." She says that women are made to obsess over marriage and preserve themselves for their husbands, and it becomes a duty towards their husbands and never a source of self-discovery. Even the knowledge of contraception is not known to many. And sometimes only after they had a child, are they allowed to get sterilised. She asks, "Why can't women have sex for pleasure? Why are women systemically denied information about their bodies? Why are women restricted access to safe methods of contraception?"

We have to dismantle this together, it is never just a women's issue but everyone's issue regarding the sexuality and autonomy of women and queer people. We have to be more inclusive and celebratory of the sexuality and autonomy of people other than cis-het men.

Mangaldas says that to break the cycle one needs to start the conversation with themselves and be comfortable speaking to someone else about it. Waiting for others to begin will only make people keep waiting forever. New parents could start having a basic sex education dialogue with their children and so should the schools. She points out that it shouldn't be treated as a hobby but as a fundamental requirement.

What Did Indian Women Tell Her?

Mangaldas shares that most Indian women who have written to her have claimed that they never had an orgasm and that their sexual lives are dominated by their male partners. She points out that if one looks at the stats of orgasm equality and the surveys say that straight women have the least amount of orgasm compared to straight men, gay men or lesbian women. She suggests that the script of sexuality needs to be rewritten as its not accurate. She shares that women who use vibrators for the first time have a eureka moment because it's contrary to the information fed to them for so long.

How To Address Young Generation About Sex?

When told about the young generation referring to porn as a source of sex education due to lack of conversation at home or school, Mangaldas says that it's inevitable that kids will come across porn at some point in their life. She is hopeful about more ethical porn videos being made to help future generations to have better information rather than problematic videos. She believes that porn is a tool that depends on how the person watching it, uses it. The complete absence of porn won't solve anything, rather would make them more curious about it. Monitoring the problematic videos is more important than not using porn as a medium of education but just as a form of entertainment, she thinks.

Is Sexual Health In World Stage Regressing?

With the instances of the United States Of America overturning the abortion law or Indonesia passing a law banning sex outside of marriage, ">Mangaldas thinks it's unfortunate that governments and states are interfering in the personal lives of people. She feels that instead of having more debates and discussions, regressive laws are passed and just forced upon citizens, which is not very democratic.

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