The Untold Story Of Finding A Purpose: Comebacks After Setbacks

This is a fictional short story: There is an old fable that talks about the bird of the broad and sweeping wing - the eagle and how its banners fling before the storm breaks. When the storms of life come upon us even God fails to lift them. In the cramped confines of a moving train; I was raped when I was 17 years old. I remember how I gulped to steady my voice after reaching home from the tennis state tournament. I was the best rat in their whole damn pack with a bright sports career in front of me. 

The Untold Story Of Finding A Purpose

My voice did not break down at once though it trembled often. I longed to cry but I wanted to tell Maa first then she’d cry, and I’d cry on her shoulder, and she would comfort my pain. Maa looked at me with comatose astonishment. We did not exchange words. I sat bolt upright next to her, my face flushed. No attempt was made to soft-pedal the ghastly truth. She was too numb to react, she was too cold to react. Her numbness made me go into the doldrums. “Was I at fault?” I repeatedly asked myself. I felt like something you find at the bottom of the garbage heap - totally unwanted. I wanted to run away from the most frightening of all encounters- facing myself.

My world which was full of teenage flings, tennis courts, and a spark to win was unnervingly circumscribed by the layers of cynicism. Being raped was an albatross around the soul. I’m feeling leaden and exhaustive even as I’m writing this, but I have a story to share. I could feel the pain, shame and anger in the stricken eyes of my helpless family. That one incident threw our world into peril. Alternate options to deal with my ruptured tissue were scribbled down without the slightest forethought. One option was to send me abroad to study. The new country had the pressure to wipe off my sad encounter and give me the confidence to stand on my own. 

My sordid history was a nightmare from which I was not even trying to wake up. I had fallen into the darkest abyss, like a fatal blow, like an acute pain that never subsides.

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The real resonance comes out of a sense of darkness and when you seriously wish something to happen then God answers all your prayers. I didn’t believe in it, until…

On a cold, still morning of 2012 I was trying to recapture the happy moments of past life. I knew I would get late for office again, but the air of melancholy had hit me hard. Often, I’m reminded of Sylvia Path here: "I don't know what it is like to not have deep emotions. Even when I feel nothing, I feel it completely". I think some of us are just meant to experience life deeply, for there is a certain kind of light that only comes from having been through a certain kind of darkness.

From the bedside window, I could see unwavering smoke rising from the chimneys. I’m so tired of living a life that I didn’t want to. It’s been a decade that I have curbed my penchant for laughter and excitement that held my heart. Not sure if happiness will ever traipse up to my door. From big adjustments to small adjustments, I ticked all the boxes. From leaving the country to leaving possibly everything that made my heart happy.

At around 8:30 AM, when the air grew bitingly cold, I was half running and half walking through the streets, hurrying past pedestrians to reach Milsons Point station.  While I was waiting for the train my view got blocked by a bunch of kids holding their tennis racket and tennis balls. For me, tennis was once life. When other girls were playing with dolls, I was with the racket. It not only held my interest, but one good shot made my day. In the process of abandoning my past life somehow, I let go of the thing I loved the most. Perhaps the universe isolates us so that we can find our purpose in life, and it is worth more than the sum total of all the disappointments.

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2184 sunrises didn’t paint the sky the way it did in the last few months. I’m at the Tea Tree Gully Tennis Club and I got selected to coach a bunch of kids. I have obtained an ATPCA accreditation, and I have started working as a coach. I’m submerged in what I like. Tennis gives me purpose, direction, and most importantly a reason to wake up every morning with a smile. This is where chaos meets harmony. Nobody can smoothen the challenges or life circumstances that one must go through but when your life meets a purpose, the purpose leads the way. Then there is no looking back. 

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Authored by Radhika Dhingra