No Family, No Friends: I Am Stuck Alone In COVID-19 Lockdown

I cleaned my bathroom at 12:30 in the morning, last night. Why you ask? Well A, I was super pissed and B, I had accidentally spilled a lot of liquid handwash on the bathroom floor. Post the cleanup, what followed was even more bizarre; I cried like it was nobody's business for almost 15 mins, cursing everything in my life, hurling abuses at the wall, stomping on the floor and whatnot. Thankfully the neighbours didn’t turn up at my doorstep. Social distancing does have its perks.

I am a 25-year-old media marketing executive living in Mumbai, alone. No no, I am not a rich brat who can afford an entire apartment for herself. Let’s just say, both of my flatmates had places to go and I didn’t, so here I am, stuck alone in this lockdown. But hey, it's not that bad, I always wanted to live on my own. It’s just that, this isn't exactly what I had in mind. There is a very fine line between being alone and feeling lonely, and one never knows when one ends up crossing it under such circumstances.

Even though I am mostly irritated, sometimes frustrated and most of the time on the edge of a breakdown, I would never trade this experience for anything.

Thanks to this current COVID–19 situation, I feel as if I am perennially on my periods, I am PMSing my way through this lockdown. Everything, right from my eating pattern to my sleep, has been distorted, but maybe this is what is keeping me sane. You see, when you are living on the edge, you need to do everything to try not to fall off it. And that’s what I am doing.

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Yes, there are times when I cry myself to sleep, and even though I have always been a cry baby (sigh) but this is different. It’s at night when the gravity of the situation, the pangs of doubt, anxiety, fear come all at once. Several times in the past few days I have felt particularly stupid- I could have left for my home like many others because when this “historical” lockdown was announced flights, trains even buses were operational. But I chose not to travel because I was just couldn’t bring myself to risk my parents' and my own wellbeing.

Well, there are times when we need to behave responsibly, even it leads to hurt or struggle, and that’s what I did, and this is what I tell myself whenever I feel lonely, whenever I miss my family and friends. I know, I am not alone, many are facing the exact same situation or even worse. So, I am thankful that at least I have a roof over my head and food in my kitchen and of course, uninterrupted Wi-Fi.

Amidst this lousy situation, I just can’t help but feel blessed for (drumroll) this experience. Even though I am mostly irritated, sometimes frustrated and most of the time on the edge of a breakdown, I would never trade this experience for anything. What a story to tell my kids and grandkids and the great-grandkids too!

I know, I am not alone, many are facing the exact same situation or even worse. So, I am thankful that at least I have a roof over my head and food in my kitchen and of course, uninterrupted Wi-Fi.

The biggest learning out of this is that, there comes a time in life when you have to learn to take each day as it comes and just do whatever you feel like doing, and not what you are expected to do. Sing, dance, cook, read, write, Instagram your problems away, be hyperactive on TikTok and just don’t judge people, live and let live.

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Now I am not a therapist (though I could use one right now), but I can tell you that the one thing which will not help for sure is cursing the situation. So, like my Maa says, “ab beta jo hai wo hai, has kar reh lo ya ro kar, isse acha hai has kar hi time kat lo”, wise words I must say.

So muskuraiyee, kyunki aap lockdown mein hain (that’s one lame joke). Again, I would like to take this opportunity to give some real advice, just try and exercise every day, 30 mins at least. Stay in touch with your family and friends. Put that WiFi to good use and video chat with them. Try and indulge in a long-lost hobby and if that also doesn’t work, Money Heist is streaming on Netflix, binge-watch the hell out of it, the main lead actor is worth your late nights.

The views expressed are the author's own