Stop mocking the 'ghar jamai' just as we must celebrate the feminist wife

15 years old me to my best friend: Is it okay to have a successful career than my husband if I serve him water when he is back from work, I cook food and manage my work and home both just the way that any housewife would do! 

My best friend: Yes! As far as you are not hurting his ego and you are being humbled to him at home, you are not wrong at your end. 

Both of us: Yes!! Done then I will be an IAS officer, have several people working under me but still, I will be a little less than him at home, so it won’t hurt his ego! 

Remembering this conversation makes me think, that “feminism” is not something that we have had in us since birth. It is a conscious effort to rewrite and change the practice that we have been following subconsciously. 

Maybe these “non-feminist” thoughts are in our system. Because our build is contaminated by it. We need to rebuild it by changing our routine responses, judgments, by retrospecting each and every “reet rivaz”, “aisa hi chalta aaya hai”, “humare samaj meh aisa hi hota hai”. 

For instance, marriage! 

One of my friends, who has worked for almost 9 years of her life, is now a housewife and accepts a little dent in her self-respect and independence almost daily, every minute because she chose to marry the love of her life! 

This thought lead to another one *being a Gemini, my mind never rests if it is stuck on something*.

If years ago, marriage was subject to share or pass on financial responsibility- “daughter”, from her father to husband then, she had to leave her home and move to his house, stay with his parents and the boy didn’t have to cut off from any responsibility, comfort that he already has before the marriage, got it. His money, rules in his favour.

Today, a working girl/lady can afford food, shelter, clothing and if smart, has investments too. Then why she needs to leave her home, make an adjustment with her career and move in with his family. Because logically the putative concept of marriage is challenged here.

And on the other hand, why do we mock a boy or a man who leaves his home to be with his wife and her family addressing him as a “ghar jamai”?

A cousin of mine is from a rice family. His husband happens to stay with her and her family and handles my uncle’s business. I think this to be a logical decision. If everyone in this situation is happy and it’s normal, then why it should be something that I think should be quoted as an example here? 

Spoiler alert about marriage!! 

Marriages are for them who want to stay together without compromising their current happy lives. So practically, the girl and the boy both need to leave their homes and built one of their own (50-50), because both are equally willing to get married. Maybe then, marriages would work because here the pressure to love the family is less. Because it is unfair to force a girl to like and love an entire family just because she loves him.

Two days back, my brother who is soon going to be an MBA student asked me would you not get married if we take a loan for my MBA college fees and you could help father with it? I said what makes you think that even if I get married, I will just walk away with the responsibilities that I have today! He said, your ideology is not wrong, it is common in writing but rare in action and he left. 

For my entire evening I was stuck with a question in my head, would I stand by a boy/girl who dares to have a life they want, which is not a subject to their gender openly?

Why is the feminist seen as a different personality than normal in the crowd while so many of us around are “#feminist”? 

It takes just an internet connection to read and write about feminism, while it takes courage to be a feminist. Courage comes when we don’t just have comments to argue in our favour but accept in which areas of our life we are still governed by the ideologies that are fed in our system. 

The memory of my conversation with my best friend opened my mind and one lead to another awakening and I concluded that acknowledging the fact that there is a part of our thinking that needs a deliberate work to be a feminist by thoughts and by actions. Feminism is just letting a boy/girl live a life that he/she desires where their wishes and dreams are not subject to their genders.

Search #feminist you will get millions of posts but how many do you come across in a day?

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