Shilpa Singh Case Again Highlights How Righteousness Overrides Women's Agency

A Goa-based assistant professor was booked for hurting religious sentiments by reportedly comparing women wearing mangalsutra to "chained dog" in a Facebook post. Shilpa Singh has been booked under IPC Section 295-A that amounts to deliberate and malicious acts intended to outrage religious feelings. Rajiv Jha, reportedly affiliated to Rashtriya Hindu Yuva Vahini’s Goa unit, who had filed the complaint against Singh, called her "Hinduphobic". He further added that if she has thoughts on religion, She "should keep it to herself, and not publicise on social media".

So, according to Jha women don't have the right to question the relevance of something they are expected to wear every day? However, one also needs to ask, was Singh right in publicly demeaning an ornament that is sacred to millions of women in India, just because of she disapproves of it? Whatever happened to every woman's right to choose!

Also Read: Karnataka Woman Pawns Her Mangalsutra, Buys TV For Her Children To Study

Mangalsutra has for long been subjected to immense scrutiny by feminists, and those with orthodox beliefs have defended it with equal ferocity. Shouldn't we be talking about women's agency to decide whether or not they want to wear a mangalsutra? Aren't women still conditioned to be the flag bearers of patriarchy, which makes marriage and "married" status a coveted one for women?

Not just mangalsutra though, it is amusing how most debates these days only allow you to hold an opinion in black or white. When in reality, most of us live our lives in the vast grey area that falls in between the two. The hues may differ, but for a majority, life isn't as black and white, right or left, and pro or against as the internet appears to believe. The same applies to modern feminist women and men too. A lot of us adhere to questionable practices and customs, despite not approving of them on a personal level.

I know so many women who identify as feminists, yet don't decline an invitation to attend Haldi Kunku, a practice reserved only for suhagan women (those whose husbands are alive), or observe Karwa Chauth. Similarly, I know of deeply patriarchal families who encourage their daughters to opt for higher studies rather them forcing them into unwanted marriages, as long as they eventually get married to a groom of their choice in the future.

Also Read: Girl Talk: Should I Feel Guilty About Losing My Virginity Before Marriage?

Do we call a father who educates his daughter, encourages her to get a job, but won't allow her to marry out of their community outright regressive? Do we condemn a progressive woman for giving up her flourishing career for the sake of motherhood? Should we be condemning these people at all, or show some empathy instead?

We have a long way to go, in order to attain a liberal and equal world that we seek, as there are many roadblocks impeding our way forward. One of them is the newfound sense of righteousness that infects liberal and orthodox wings in our country alike. Some days it feels like we don't want change, we don't want to make this world a better place; we just want to prove ourselves as right.

But guess what, no person has the right to force women to wear an ornament or garment just to appease their beliefs. Women's free will to dress and live on their own terms cannot be taken away by alleging that it hurts "religious sentiments". This holds true for all genders, sexualities and religions. Similarly, women should refrain from looking down upon other women for living life by stereotypes they find regressive or oppressive. Change is a gradual process. How can forcing it down someone's throat using hate, shame or insult do our cause any good?

Also Read: Girl Talk: Why is it important to wear mangalsutra after marriage?

Whether to wear a mangalsutra or not is a matter of personal choice. Millions of women consider it a part of their identity and hold it sacred. Then there are millions of others who don't wear it because it doesn't hold a sentimental value for them. None of them is wrong. The only people who are wrong are those who pressure women to wear a mangalsutra in the name of culture or religion or love. Or those who shame women for wearing one in the name of holding progressive beliefs.

Just let women be. Let them make this choice on their own. If you truly believe in equality and respect women around you, then you would respect their choice, rather than taking a righteous stand and challenging their choice.

Image Credit: Hindustan Times

The views expressed are the author's own.