Ripples Of Motherhood: Does Upbringing Influence Women’s Parenting?

How often during our childhood have we heard our mothers shout these impassioned words at us– “You’ll know my struggle when you become a mother!” This phrase echoed through the walls of our house every time we pulled a mischievous move, evoking a sense of motherly exasperation. However, these utterances weren’t just our mothers’ way of emotionally blackmailing us, but rather a reflection of the connection between a woman’s upbringing and her motherhood. These connections extend far beyond the immediate bond between mothers and daughters, shaping how women approach the task of raising their own children.

On the occasion of Mother's Day 2024, SheThePeople delved into the lives of some women, understanding the role that their childhood experiences played in their lives as parents. While some women spoke about the approaches they inculcated from their mothers, some others spoke about unlinking a chain of generational trauma.

Mother’s Inspiration

For many women, their own mothers serve as the primary inspiration for their approach to parenting. Growing up, they witnessed firsthand the dedication and sacrifices their mothers made for them, instilling a deep sense of admiration and gratitude in them. These experiences shape the kind of mothers they aspire to be.

“I was raised by a single mother who unintentionally taught me how to be independent. She never said it out loud but led by example,” said Yuvika Gowda, a mother-of-one from Bengaluru. “However, she never hid the difficult part of single motherhood. She would often miss my dad and recall how supportive he was. She has taught me a perfect balance between being self-sufficient and also knowing when to expect help from my partner.”

Another mom from Chennai, Mahima Jain, shared how her mother’s experiences have been passed down to her. “Sometimes I find myself using the same dialogues my mother used to say when I was younger and it feels surreal,” she said. She added that her mother moved from Rajasthan to Tamil Nadu after marriage and struggled to feel belonged. However, her persistent communal involvement inspired Jain to pass down her kindness and relentless attitude to her children. 

Motherhood - As A Healing Daughter

Some women also described how they continuously strive to undo the normalised trauma that they witnessed in their upbringing. They recognise the negative patterns or behaviours they inherited from their parents and are determined to create a different environment for their own children and themselves.

For Pune-based Garima Patel, her mother’s tough experiences became a motivation to undo societal expectations. The mother of a four-month-old boy said, “My mom was the typical ‘sati savitri type’ who thought that she was making sacrifices to make my life better. But I spent my childhood hoping she would live for herself too and now, I am learning from her mistakes. I want to show my son that I am an individual too, apart from being his mom.”

Many women, who grew up dealing with difficult parents and a lack of understanding, are working towards giving their children what they once sought. They are determined to be the pillar of support that they always wanted but could not get from their parents, creating a nurturing and safe space at their home. One such mother is Sonia Gupta, a single mom-of-two from London, who shared her story of growing up with immigrant parents. 

She said, “My parents were the first generation here from India, and they brought me up in a ‘Do as we say’ kind of style. However, I’ve made a very conscious decision not to bring my children up that way. I let them grow their individuality, I listen to their opinions and troubles, and we have open conversations. I don’t follow a rule book but I think supporting them in their decisions is really important.”

Whether drawing strength from her own mother’s example or breaking free from the shadows of the past, every woman’s motherhood journey is a testament to the ripples of love, endurance, and spirit that they witnessed growing up. While the connection between a woman’s upbringing and her parenting style is profound and multifaceted, the ultimate goal is to provide a nurturing and supportive environment for their children, one that fosters growth and individuality.