How can I feel alone when millions are grieving with us? Sutapa Sikdar

Irrfan Khan's wife Sutapa's poignant note about her husband tells you even death won't do them apart. Rock solid, equal and a real friendship, Sutapa Sikdar's many posts about them together are a reminder of the foundation many relationships so long for. Sutapa's grace and love comes through in an emotional note she penned down for her husband. "Funnily, our life was a masterclass in acting, so when the dramatic entry of the “uninvited guests” happened, I had by then learnt, to see harmony in the cacophony." 

Sutapa Sikdar posted a #throwback picture of herself along with husband Irrfan Khan on Facebook that reflects their relationship. It talks of her personal journey with Irrfan and she starts by saying,  "I have not lost, I have gained in every which way."

Tears will flow as we will plant a raat ki rani tree, his favourite, to the place where you have put him to rest after a victorious journey. It takes time but it will bloom and the fragrance will spread and touch all the souls whom I won't call them fans but family for years to come.

"How can I write this as a family statement when the whole world is taking it as a personal loss? How can I begin to feel alone when millions are grieving with us at the moment?

Irrfan Khan was one of India's finest actors who was admired by Indian and global fans. He was our face in the West from the time he did Namesake to the powerful role as a lawyer in Tokyo Trial. He carved his own space in the country's film industry that mostly put a premium on traditional good looks. Not only did he not put the spotlight on world class acting, his choice of roles just brought life into characters in a way few others could. Irrfan connected with the masses and with critics equally. As a young girl working at SheThePeople said, "When I saw the film had Irrfan, I would watch it over any other."

Irrfan died at the age of 54 in Mumbai's Kokilaben Dhirubhai Ambani Hospital leaving fans and friends gutted. He had been battling a strain of colon cancer that had brought his health to its worst in recent days. The star of films such as Qarib Qarib Singlle, Maqbool, Angrezi Medium and The Namesake, will be remembered forever in the words of his wife Sutapa. Their relationship was one of equals and one everyone was in admiration of it. Irrfan was also quoted saying, "I want to live for Sutapa."

"How can I write this as a family statement when the whole world is taking it as a personal loss? How can I begin to feel alone when millions are grieving with us at the moment? I want to assure everyone that this is not a loss, it is a gain. It's a gain of the things he taught us, and now we shall finally begin to truly implement it and evolve. Yet I want to try to fill in the things that people don't already know.

It's unbelievable for us but I would put it in Irrfan's words, "it's magical" whether he is there or not there, and that's what he loved, he never loved one dimensional reality. The only thing I have a grudge against him is; he has spoiled me for life. His strive for perfection doesn't let me settle for ordinary in any thing. There was a rhythm which he always saw in everything, even in cacophony and chaos, so I have learnt to sing and dance to the music of that rhythm, even with my tone-deaf voice and two left feet. Funnily, our life was a masterclass in acting, so when the dramatic entry of the "uninvited guests" happened, I had by then learnt, to see a harmony in the cacophony. The doctor's reports were like scripts which I wanted to perfect, so I never miss any detail that he sought for in his performance.

We met some amazing people in this journey and the list is endless, but there are some whom I have to mention, our oncologist Dr Nitesh Rohtogi (Max Hospital, Saket) who held our hand in the beginning, Dr Dan Krell (UK), Dr Shidravi (UK), my heartbeat and my lantern in the dark Dr Sevanti Limaye (Kokilaben Hospital). It's difficult to explain what a wondrous, beautiful, overwhelming, painful and exciting this journey has been. I find this two-and-a-half years to have been an interlude, which had it's own beginning, middle and culmination with Irrfan helming the role of the orchestra conductor, separate from the 35 years of our companionship. Ours was not a marriage, it was a union.

I see my little family, in a boat, with both my sons Babil and Ayaan, paddling it forward, with Irrfan guiding them "wahan nahi, yahan se modo" but since life is not cinema and there are no retakes, I sincerely wish my children sail this boat safely with their father's guidance in mind and rockabye through the storm.

I asked my children, if possible, they could sum up a lesson taught by their father that has been important to them;

Babil: 'Learn to surrender to the dance of uncertainty and trust your faith in the universe"

Ayaan: "Learn to control your mind and to not let it control you."

Tears will flow as we will plant a raat ki rani tree, his favourite, to the place where you have put him to rest after a victorious journey. It takes time but it will bloom and the fragrance will spread and touch all the souls whom I won't call them fans but family for years to come."

Sutapa Sikdar also changed her profile picture to one of the two together.

https://www.facebook.com/sutapa.sikdar/posts/10156839390510448:0

Featured Image: Sutapa Sikdar FB