Guilty Mumma : I just can’t spend the next 5 years sitting at home taking care of my child

Guilty Mummas are not guilty. Guilty Mumma is a candid take on motherhood where women juggle between guilt, love, career and life amidst the hypocrisies of society.

In a society like ours where anything and everything can be termed as intolerant, motherhood too comes with its own set of strong notion. Whether you opt to be a stay at home mom or take up the job post motherhood is an individual choice. But hold on, once you have taken the decision, you cannot ignore the subsequent remarks by people you know and people you don’t know. Because everyone has a view on this topic.

Vidhi was born in April 2011 and while I rejoiced every minute of my new status of a mother, I was also worried about my job. I realised that I just can’t spend the next 5 years or more sitting at home taking care of my child. The thought was making me restless. I wanted to go back to work. There was a whole lot of discussion with my inner being, with my family members and my husband. Glad, they all supported my decision.

Before I took the plunge, I was aware of all the sacrifices I would have to make and the emotional turmoil I would go through. During maternity leave (3 months paid, 3 months unpaid, and 3 months’ work from home), I trained my nanny to perfection. So much so, that I started leaving my daughter for a few hours initially and then a few more in her care.

But easier said than done, the day I had to join work was nothing less than a nightmare. I was crying at the drop of hat, I hugged my 9-month-old umpteen times, held her close to my heart and sobbed all the way till Bandra in the rickshaw.

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Vidhi did miss me initially but later got accustomed to it. I also stopped panicking the way I did initially calling the nanny every half an hour. While I could still deal with breastfeeding issues at work, managing leakage and lumps, staying up awake on some nights, reading books to my baby till she slept and letting go of every job-related outing….what made the job after motherhood difficult were remarks targeted to me and my baby. ‘Your baby will speak late because you are not at home’, ‘what a pity’, ‘I would never bring a baby to life if I have to leave her at nanny’s care’ etc….the list was endless and extremely painful.

Working parents do have a pang of constant guilt but I promised myself that I would never let guilt find its place.

Yes, it was my choice to work after motherhood and I am so proud that I decided to do that. My daughter is 9 today and she bids me bye happily every single morning. She is extremely proud of me and just as beautiful, sensitive and loving as any other child of her age.

Working moms do not have it easy, it is a dual responsibility and for once please don’t judge them. While we do have to build our child’s future, we must build ours too and all this so that our child can have a better and enriched life.

Guilty Mummas are not guilty. Guilty Mumma is a candid take on motherhood where women juggle between guilt, love, career and life amidst the hypocrisies of society. If you have a Guilty Mumma story, share it with us Stories@shethepeople.tv