Dear Women, Own Your Destiny And Evolve Anyway

Evolution is a beautiful process and how you respond to it determines your capacity and capability to enjoy the process of life gracefully. Life supports evolution and evolution supports life in return. However, striking a fine balance between these two processes will remain a perpetual challenge till you have learnt to embrace life and evolution as a part of your own being.

Women have a greater influence in bringing up the next generations.

Ever since I embarked on my coaching journey, I realized we have to maintain the pace with Life and Evolution to accomplish goals of inclusion. It is the intrinsic change that diversity matters are stuck at; we are either engrossed with primordial conventional ways of Life or busy combating the challenges that are an outcome of Evolution. Focus has to be on achieving a smooth transition; however all our concerns are centered on low acceptance for this transition. In this process of transition, it is so critical for women to support each other to EVOLVE. Let us agree that regardless of the era we are in, women have a greater influence in bringing up the next generations. How well a community supports the well-being of its women will have a significant influence on what behaviours are instilled in their future generations. If women have to become rebellious to keep pace with the evolutionary changes, your next generation will imbibe rebellious behaviour as a natural instinct to experience life and freedom. As a coach, I have been keenly deliberating over such prevailing issues. Here are a few of my EVOLVE views for your reflection:

How well a community supports the well-being of its women will have a significant influence on what behaviors are instilled in their future generations.

Equip yourself with the financial acumen.

Managing your monies independently is important regardless of the quality of relationship with your spouse. Take an active interest in managing finances and ensure you make tangible investments. Interrogations related to your tangible contributions are quite possible down the line, when monotony in this beautiful partnership called marriage, sets in. Yes! Marriage is a beautiful life-long process of partnership and for inevitable reasons if this partnership breaks, you must have your financial security in place. If this partnership strengthens with time, your spouse will only respect your decision and trust your collective assets are eventually for both of you. Money is as important as oxygen but you must keep financial goals in your head and not in your heart; your heart must be a place for your loved ones to reside in.

Yes! Marriage is a beautiful life-long process of partnership and for inevitable reasons if this partnership breaks, you must have your financial security in place.

Vitality in your family can be infused only if your health and well-being are on top of your overall agenda.

With due respect to the conventional role of men as the bread earners, women have been the nurturer and there is still time for men to play the role of a natural nurturer at home. Working women undergo additional stress. Please set aside some “ME time” else the energy levels in your surroundings dip. Indeed, women who are home-makers have challenges too if faced with issues in this partnership but a stronger focus on engaging themselves healthily is the key. You must make your life a worthwhile journey by ensuring that you take the courageously right decisions despite conventional threats. The present generation of younger women has a huge responsibility to teach their young boys, the art of peaceful decision making in the family space. Our girls are receiving a holistic growth in their upbringing unlike boys. Groom your boys too to adapt to the obvious evolutionary changes. True partnership values efforts, and emotional investments put into building a home besides finances. Regardless of your professional status, as a woman your contributions in building a home must remain priceless and be honored.

Groom your boys too to adapt to the obvious evolutionary changes.

Own your destiny and life therefore.

Women give up their jobs unwillingly due to pressure. Parents don’t intervene to avoid any conflicts that may arise in daughter’s married life. Letting daughters surrender to an unwanted routine though having invested money in their education displays how spineless we are as a society despite bragging about our efforts to empower women. Women empowerment must be practiced more at our respective homes. Sadly many women resign to the circumstances. You must clearly articulate the “Dos and Don’ts” and yet demonstrate a sincere effort to build a happy family. There are worthy examples of supportive men too but the family members must stay committed despite important life stages a woman undergoes, like when she bears a child. This is the most vulnerable stage when women are made to surrender. You must have a backup plan ready before you embark on a beautiful journey of motherhood. Motherhood is the most powerful phase for the strength it infuses and the learning and joy it unfolds for you!

Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

The same men question their wife about her contributions in building the house after the years of togetherness and ironically, the same man chased her pleading her to marry him. Love is as much as your spouse’s responsibility as yours. When monotony sets in, listening skills are critical. Although we know of some laudable examples of men being a huge support but most women believe, dealing with monotony is not a skill men enjoy and nor have men been able to learn it. So, review and set realistic professional and personal goals.

Love is as much as your spouse’s responsibility as yours. When monotony sets in, listening skills are critical.

Note, unlike olden days when traditionally daughter in law would move-in in the house of in-laws, today times have changed. The couples build their house together. It is funny for a husband to assert stay of his parents in this house as his sole right whereas concept of wife’s parents living in the same house appears shocking; the same house that a wife built with equal or more love. Ladies, your spouse did not inherit this house, you have partnered with him to build it. Please educate all the men in your network. “It is good to respect our customary traditions, but let us respect the evolutionary changes before we witness disruptions in such partnerships leading to lose-lose deals.”

Girls, your aging parents are as much as your responsibility.

Again a disruption needed to break the ancient mindset of what role a son must manage and what a daughter can? Sons as well as daughters are capable of extending care for their aging parents. Given your competing priorities today, it is okay if you are unable to share the responsibility for both sets of parents; therefore you may take care of your respective parents instead.

Sons as well as daughters are capable of extending care for their aging parents.

Victorious woman are significantly involved in leading their life.

Victory is won not in miles but in inches. Win a little now, hold your ground, and later, win a little more. Learn from your failures and make winning a way of your life. When you exude joy, you have the power to turn a barren desert into a beautiful place. You design your life and do not resign to pursuing your life the way it was traditionally designed for women. Then the design was perhaps to support women but today the same design needs a few disruptions.

Enrich your Emotional Bank Account.

Women tend to inadvertently abandon the external world once married whereas men continue to stay engaged with the external world as well. You need not try to completely integrate into the lives of your spouse. Continue to nurture your relationship with your friends, parents to enhance your emotional fitness. Ultimately the bond of all companionship, whether in marriage or in friendship, is conversation. The right conversations provide emotional tonics that develop your emotional resilience. Above all, do strengthen your relationship with yourself. Self-care and self-love are powerful life practices to conduct yourself in a way that is classy and inspirational too.

Continue to nurture your relationship with your friends, parents to enhance your emotional fitness.

That said, continue to EVOLVE with élan. You are a deserving woman and keep echoing it to yourself. Create a tomorrow wherein empowered women are not a unique breed but a reality. You are a queen. Teach your sons, “A man who treats his wife like a princess is a proof that he is brought up in the arms of a Queen.” This is how you can do your bit in giving the right upbringing to your son/s to support the women. In doing so, you are also paving a beautiful path for the women of future, that’s your daughters.

Keep demonstrating your passion and solidarity to support women in every landscape; this will only lead everyone to a harmonious path of joy and peace, in fact each life will benefit! Marriage is a beautiful partnership, and not a contract for you to make lifelong adjustments. It is certainly not even a fairy tale and do not preach that to your daughters or sons; it is a partnership to unify and enrich two lives. This partnership must evolve while you lead your lives together. Companionship is a common goal for you and your spouse. Welcome others in this lovely journey provided they nurture this companionship, PERIOD! Dear women, as you evolve, you may make a lot of people uncomfortable but own your destiny - evolve anyway.

Neetubala Koul is a ICF Coach (Leadership and Career) and Head of Talent Management and L&D at Fortune100American MNC.

The views expressed are the author's own.