Are Women Really 'Stupid' To Not Let Men Pay On Dates?

In her latest podcast episode, 25-year-old Navya Naveli Nanda decided to delve into the subject of masculinity and contemporary perspectives on gender roles. Joining her for this insightful discussion was her brother, Agastya Nanda, who is nearly her age, along with their grandmother, Jaya Bachchan, and their mother, Shweta Bachchan.

During the discussion, Navya broached the subject of women asserting their independence, particularly in scenarios like paying for meals on dates. Reflecting on the shifting dynamics of post-feminism, she highlighted how some women now prefer to handle financial aspects independently. However, Jaya Bachchan interjected with a contrasting view, labelling such behaviour as "stupid" and advocating for traditional gender roles where men should be the ones footing the bill. She said, "How stupid of those women. You should let the men pay."

Are Women 'Stupid' To Not Let Men Pay On Dates?

Undeterred, Navya continued to explore the nuances of chivalry and gender norms, questioning where the line should be drawn. She recounted instances where women have expressed discomfort with men displaying chivalrous gestures, such as opening doors for them. Jaya Bachchan reiterated her stance, dismissing these actions as unnecessary and saying, "Basically what they’re trying to say is – don’t be chivalrous. How stupid is that?"

In contrast to his grandmother's perspective of 'modern men', Agastya offered another interpretation, distinguishing between genuine kindness and toxic masculinity. He emphasised the importance of intent, asserting that acts of chivalry should stem from a place of genuine politeness rather than a desire to assert dominance. According to Agastya, "If you want to say, I’d love to pay for this meal, it’s not going to come across, the wrong way because you’re doing it to do something kind. Not like ‘I’m the provider, so I’ll pay.’ It’s the intent."

Generational Clash: Unpacking Beliefs on Gender Roles

In the poignant exchange between two generations, contrasting beliefs on gender roles emerge, echoing a common narrative found in many households. The older generation often adheres to predefined gender norms, viewing variation from tradition as stupid or unacceptable. Meanwhile, Agastya's perspective offers a fresh perspective on the evolving nature of gender dynamics, stressing the importance of redefining roles with mutual respect and understanding. He advocates for a balanced approach where neither party feels inferior or superior, emphasising the significance of intent.

Conversely, Bachchan's remarks highlight the burden placed on men to conform to outdated notions of "chivalry", despite the capability or will of women to handle tasks independently. Her thoughts question the wisdom of women who assert their autonomy and preferences, raising critical points about individual agency, independence, and consent. 

Moreover, the ongoing debate over "who picks up the bill" often makes us wonder: why do we feel the need to judge others' choices? Shouldn't everyone have the freedom to speak up and decide for themselves without worrying about what others might think? If a guy offers to pay, it shouldn't automatically mean he's trying to dominate or show off. And if a girl lets him pay, it doesn't mean she's only interested in his money. Similarly, if she wants to pay or they decide to split the bill, it doesn't make her stupid or him rude. Let's focus on understanding each other's intentions and showing respect, creating a space free from judgement where everyone's choices are valued and accepted.

Views expressed are the author's own.