21 Years RHTDM: Not Much Has Changed As Popculture's Representation Of Stalking

We're thankful for Rehna Hai Tere Dil Mein (RHTDM) because it gave us Dia Mirza. Still, the film's glorification of stalking in the name of romance is a different subject altogether, and it is crucial to address it by looking at where we're headed. Not much has changed since 2001, to be honest, because stalking and toxicity are still very much at their prime, and with the rise in digitalisation, it's just gotten worse and more robust. The entertainment world, even today, glorifies typical masculine behaviour and excusing predators in the name of persuasion of love is predominant across industries.

Rehna Hai Tere Dil Mein's cinematic magic remains intact even today - 21 years later - so does the problem of normalising stalking, which is problematic in more ways than one.

RHTDM and stalking

For the unversed, RHTDM marked the debut of both Dia Mirza and R Madhavan in Hindi cinema. The remake of the Tamil classic film Minnale, Rehna Hai Tere Dil Mein proved to be a refreshing storyline in its time. The cast, including Saif Ali Khan, gained massive popularity following its release. I watched the film years after it was released, but even then, in the mid-2000s, I was mesmerised by the film's music, actors and the entire cinematic experience. As a teenager, I absorbed what I saw, all of it, and admired the film like most of my peers. Not for a minute did I think there was something wrong with the underlying concept on which the film rested. Today, in my late 20s and with several understandings, learning and unlearning later, I am conflicted. I know now what really was wrong with RHTDM and many other films I grew up idolising. While we can excuse the makings of these films, saying the times were such back then, there is no excuse for the culture that subtly, and not so subtly, glorifies stalking and toxicity in relationships loud and clear on-screen even today.

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RHTDM was not a bad film. It was different for its time, the music is still loved, and it marked the entrance of good actors in the industry. What was flawed was the hyperintense adoration of the way a man expresses his likeness for a woman. The film is an excellent example of how a cinematic experience can simultaneously be both delightful and offensive. The plot had Maddy (played by Madhavan) falling in love with Reena (played by Mirza) and getting her to like him back with every attempt of stalking her, following her around and deceiving her. The concept seems far from delightful but it worked for several other films too. The industry constantly highlighted stalking through its movie plots and songs as the audience, too, adhered to the age-old representation of masculinity - of the idea that a man will get the woman of his dreams after constant persuasion, however odd, however demeaning.

Dia Mirza, who was 19 when she shot the film herself, believes that RHTDM's concept was sexist and glorified casual harassment. "People were writing, thinking and making sexist cinema, and I was a part of these stories. Rehnaa Hai Terre Dil Mein has sexism in it. I was acting with these people. I was working with these people. It's crazy," she said in a 2021 interview, also pointing out how most men in the industry, even today, are not aware of the sexist problematic narratives they write and act in.

A still from Kabir Singh

The 2019 release Kabir Singh levelled up toxicity by a lot. While the film showed a lot of angles to the story and addressed the toxic character by highlighting his back story and whatnot, it didn't justify why Kabir Singh behaved in an aggressive, entitled fashion and was made a hero throughout. The fact that the character is loved, followed and referred to by several teenage boys and men when weighing their possession of women proves the very point. I watched Raanjhanaa the day it was released, and it was a bittersweet experience for me. I knew the problem with the film as I observed Kundan (played by Dhanush) stalking and harassing Zoya (played by Sonam Kapoor) in the major part of the story to acquire her love and crossing the line of consent one shot at a time.

Stalking cannot be sold to us as love.

Isn't the audience's acceptance of cinema and the cinema's reflection of the society we live in all correlated? We've seen how cases of stalking across the country eventually became gruesome crimes. The entitlement of a stalker man claiming his love for a woman who holds no interest in him often leads to casual harassment and zero accountability.

"Our popular culture is a reflection of a lot of cinema we have grown up watching and follow even today which surface stories that, in some way, cross and blur the line of consent, putting women in situations where they have little or no desire of their own. It's outright scary and not charming."

It would be wrong to say that cinema is not evolving. Films are being made where concepts of toxic masculinity are being abolished one story at a time, but we're not there yet. No doubt, the industry has produced some cult romantic classics but, in most cases, we haven't come that far with the growth of how romance is portrayed in cinema. The influential masculinity of men landing the women of their dream with absolute disregard for the woman's desire has to be broken. The alternative, and the most appropriate way, would be to float more concepts where rejection and acceptance are handled gracefully, and where consent is taught in all respects of relationships.

The mainstream media, popular cultures and massive digitalisation influence young minds and plant ideas in them in unimaginable ways. If we want society to unlearn the older patterns of masculinity and patriarchal conditioning, we will have to set better examples and make meaningful cinema, where stalking is considered a crime and not a charming act of pursuing your love interest.

The views expressed are the author's own.