This is How I First introduced Feminism to my Desi Family

Feminism and Desi Parents: I come from a fairly conservative family, where men and women have often been subjugated to bigoted and rigid patriarchal norms. From an early age, I was made subject to subtle sexism – from restrictions on clothing to career choices.

All these restrictions and constraints made me crave change – A change that was effective, enabling, and empowering. Little did I know that I was becoming a strong ally of the feminist movement. My journey till now involves self-reflection, introspection and comprehension that I garnered from my education and the environment around me. I am proud that both my family and I have come a long way in the process- and this required me to break many gender stereotypes, speak up for what is right, and utilise my privilege to educate others around me.

By Speaking Up

One step that I actively took was to speak up. I believe that a good conversation has the power to change age-old beliefs and notions. Gender roles are not biologically determined, they are socially learnt through discourse and communication and thus, the converse also holds true. I remember an instance when I was talking to my mother, a teacher, about the LGBTQ+ community’s rights. She got revved up and asked me to avoid talking about the topic.

However, I decided to continue talking about the issue regardless of it being a ‘difficult topic’. I began by disproving the notion that sexual orientation is limited to traditional binary notions. I talked to her about scientific studies and personal cases, included logical arguments and emotional perspectives. It took months, but we finally arrived at a stage where my mother and I dressed up together for an online pride day celebration at her school.

Feminism and Desi Parents: This is How I First introduced Feminism to my desi family

In all honesty, introducing feminism to my father was a tedious task, but definitely not impossible. I made sure that I talked to him even, and especially if the topics were uncomfortable and difficult to talk about. I talked to him about menstruation after we watched the movie, "Pad Man". It was difficult in the beginning, but it progressed with time.

By Increasing Exposure To Feminist Media

Another conscious decision I made was to increase exposure to feminist media at my home whilst establishing a zero-tolerance policy to sexism. Be it from movies, social media, news tv channels or any source of information – I made sure that my family seeks increasingly more knowledge about gender disparities. I used media literacy to point out sexism, objectification, misrepresentation to my family in the form of feminist dialogue.

I remember choosing Bollywood movies like "Thappad" and "Chhalang" and many other women-led films to watch with my family. Social media has been a tool for encouragement for my father, who witnessed a lot of progressive men challenging the strict confines of toxic masculinity.

By Passing It Forward

I am most cautious about the efforts I undertake for my younger sister. I realised that as much as speaking up for what you want is highly important as a woman, so is listening and giving a safe, nonjudgmental space to another woman. I encourage my younger sister to set her own boundaries, establish her own values, and follow her own dreams.

An approach I recently came across was the Socratic method. It involves asking questions instead of stating opinions to stimulate critical thinking. For instance, a conversation between me and my grandmother about same-sex relationships went something like this:

Grandmother: A same-sex relationship is against the law of nature

 Me: Who devised the law of nature? If it was devised by humans, can it be called the law of nature?

 Grandmother: It is written in holy books. Same-sex relationships are not possible.

 Me: will nature allow something that was impossible to happen? For example, gravity is the law of nature as no one can deny that law even if they wanted to. So how is it that humans are capable of “defying” a law of nature?

 After this conversation, my grandmother avoided the topic for a while. However, my aim- to get her thinking--was accomplished.

Finally, I understand that there are generation, education, and societal gaps present in any family and it takes time for feminist ideals to develop and formulate. I believe that feminism is the only way forward. I make efforts to share and learn together as a family. I own my identity and help my mother and sister own theirs, and help my father be comfortable in remodelling his. I reiterate what I have learnt through my individual experiences so as to make them understand and learn effectively. I believe that feminism is a conversation, one that I am not afraid to participate in.

Views expressed are author's own.