Bye-Bye Biases, Take Pride In Being The Inclusive Ally

Happy Pride Month Yo. But first, who exactly is an ally? A friend? A sponsor? A guide? A mentor? An empath? The bruh? Fam? A legit partner? What? And, what is allyship really?

The subtle difference was outlined by a Mumbai-based womens’ cohort actively into the big A:

“An ally ensures that your voices are heard, by providing a space to raise that voice and help amplify it to ensure that you have a seat at the table; mentors on the other hand are guides and coaches, who encourage you to have a voice, tell you how to secure a seat at the table; sponsors take that voice to place where you are not present, they talk about your work and promote you at the table at which you are not seated.”

Just like gender then, allyship too is a spectrum in a way that can be defined in myriad ways to ultimately break the cycle of oppression -- 

It’s doing the work that you talk about wanting to do.

Being an ally means taking an active role to do whatever is within your power to ensure all individuals are treated equitably.

Allyship is a proactive, ongoing and incredibly difficult practice of unlearning and re-evaluating, in which a person of privilege works in solidarity and partnership with a marginalised group of people to help take down the systems that challenge that group’s basic rights, equal access and ability to thrive in our society.

ALSO, Allyship is about knowing when to stand behind, stand beside and stand in front.

The key takeaways: 

Allyship is action: Not jargon. Not posturing. Not just a glittery Insta post. You need to actively engage in social justice dialogue, to promote equity in your institution or social group and to amplify marginalised voices. 

“Being an ally means taking an active role to do whatever is within your power to ensure all individuals are treated equitably, and ensuring we do our part to create a safe environment where people can be their authentic selves,” a Finance Professional quoted in an article. 

Allyship is recognising your privileges: Which in turn helps you understand your role in change-making and your perception of the elemental changes that need to be made, however subtle or micro. Listening without any judgment plays a crucial role here as does self-awareness.

Allyship is about learning from your mistakes: Once you decide to be an ally be your own ally first. Pat yourself. Use hurdles as opportunities. Keep an open mind. Apologize and move on. Know that it’s about solidarity and not charity. It’s about “being humble, not perfect.”  

Allyship is educating yourself: The underlying funda is to empower yourself through constant research. It is NOT the duty of the marginalised to educate you about the challenges they face on a daily basis. Education also entails holistic connection by creating a safe space where people can speak up about unconscious biases and microaggressions that they may be facing. 

Allyship is about sharing resources: That’s one way of spreading a good thing through book, movies, podcasts, talks, workshops etc that focus on queer rights and related issues. There might be people keen to help, understand, and get proactive. Being an ally, you just need to show them the how. This way you spread the healing circle wider and wider. 

The challenges explained: 

DE&I consultant Jyoti Dadlani says, “When we talk about LGBTQA Allyship actively or passively while training in corporates, one of the major challenges we face is resistance to change as some people are rigidly conditioned when it comes to defining gender-to-gender relationships.” 

According to her, “pre-set value systems trigger unconscious biases. So, the first step is to acknowledge: It’s okay, it's new but this is change and this is how it’s gonna be. It's a tough fight, but for those keen on participatory allyship inclusive language is a game changer, moving on to better hiring and promotion opportunities for all keeping individuality and self-expression in mind.” 

Independent HR consultant Rashi Goel roots for “creating a culture of psychological safety which requires active participation, continuous learning and the courage to challenge status quo.” For those who want to help, but don’t know what to do – just connect with your queer family and have a heart-to-heart. Academically, there’s the 5D approach too, where the by-stander intervention can be to direct, distract, delegate, document and delay. The package is eye-opening. 

Founder of a community for moms that works towards creating social wealth, love and mutual support among moms across generations, Ritu firmly believes in the concept of effective allyship. Moms from the group participated in the pride parade and as one put it succinctly “it made everyone realize that sexuality is not a choice but love is. The enriching experience brought moms from various backgrounds together to support causes and break stereotypes by being open-minded.”

Punekar JJ, a student of “LGBTQ Allyship Study,” and an Allyship catalyst, however, warns about the invisible Savior Complex Trap. Also known as the White Knight Syndrome it is “a psychological construct which makes a person feel the need to save other people. This person has a strong tendency to seek people who desperately need help and to assist them, often sacrificing their own needs for these people. The underlying belief of these individuals is: it is the noble thing to do.” 

Pressing the point that an ally needs empathy not sympathy, global allyship activist Judy Shephard clarifies that “the purpose of Allyship is to achieve equity and inclusion. It is not to self-congratulate, promote or validate one’s own virtues. It is not about making yourself look good or feel good. And it certainly isn’t an effort to save anyone or any group.” 

Here the essential component of “consent” comes into play. Ya you heard that right, just because you want to save you don’t just start saving. You build trust. You are patient. You earn respect. And you wait for that elusive yes to be an ally. “The emphasis is on a participative transformational model that incorporates creativity and constant self-reflection, especially in relation to privilege and intersectionality. 

YOU … yes YOU reading all this… are low-key standing at the frontier of a tectonic shift, I want to leave you with Lily Tomlin’s famous words… see if they resonate in some way…

“I always wondered, why somebody doesn’t do something about that? Then I realised I was somebody!”  

Views expressed by the author are their own.