Fight Patriarchy, Have A Pajama Party Girls!

“Say Wha…” If that’s the thought bubble floating on top of your shampooed mane, I totally get it girl. Patriarchy? Pajama party? Is this post-Diwali hangover or something, you may rightly wonder. But here is the deal and listen up tight sista. It’s all good. I am good. There’s no hangover but there’s some teenie-weenie logic to this thing and I’ll explain. First things first, we need to be on the same page, so patriarchy here is sociologically a system that is “marked by the supremacy of the father in the clan and the control by men in the line of a disproportionate share of power in the family.” In short: the male line rules!”

Feminists broadly view the Big P as an ideology where men as a group have “more power and privilege” and are portrayed as “superior” to women, as such the men often “have authority over women.” 

Ouff, just typing this I am having one of those “moye, moye” moments. It’s so cringe. 

Hopping on to the more joyful “Pajama Party” construct. The dictionary defines it simply as “a party for children who spend the night at the house of a friend.” The concept apparently came up so that kids could “assert independence, develop social connections and inculcate the habit of sleeping without their mums.” 

Nice!

Now let’s put the two together girls. Patriarchy and Pajama Party. What do we immediately have here? In three words: release, space, me-time! This is especially true of girls in relationships of any kind and sometimes even the singletons who are in a scenario where you are sort of answerable to a traditionally stereotyped patriarchal head. 

Let the fight begin then ma ladies. 

Breaking free from the prison of Perfectionism: if you are true to the spirit of the pajama then the very first thing you dump is “perfectionism” – the almost gaslit concern to strive for flawlessness made all the more excruciating by the patriarchal indoctrination since the birth of seeking “outside validation” and in turn being forever “self-critical” of the self in a bid to live up to others’ expectations, however absurd! What a dampener to the whole concept of partying. I mean isn’t the host supposed to party as well? And the guests are supposed to let loose, and have some fun? 

A pajama party by essence is all the more designed to set everyone free. To just be you and chill. No make-up, no mask, no expectations, no judgement – just you, your pajamas and all your glorious imperfections that make you – well, YOU! Go back to the dictionary definition and “assert your independence” for once girl. Basically think of a zillion ways that you can be the unique you. Believe me, it’s the most fun thing you’ll do, a huge favour to your lovely self. Liberation with a capital L.

I can really write a tome on this alone but I’ll move to the next point, you certainly get the drift I guess. For once, just let people fend for themselves: The name’s pajama party so obviously it’s at night. That time when the “woman of the house” is not supposed to be out gallivanting but at the beck and call of people at home feeding, fending, fixing. Being there to listen to how everyone else’s “busy” day went and awing to all “you poor people” so exhausted at the end of a “hard day’s” work. 

One evening can this janta come back home to a bright yellow slip on the fridge declaring that “the woman of the house” is busy partying with her friends, yes you heard right, in the middle of the week, why not? And if the janta could kindly fend for themselves as she “develops some social connections of her own.” Add the “grinning face with big eyes emoji” to boot if you want girl. I’d personally prefer the “tongue out” one followed by the “let’s party” of course if it doesn’t hurt the delicate “homely” sensibilities too much. 

High time this age-old “homemaker” tag that requires women (even the earning ones) to endlessly manage the home by cooking, caring, cleaning, fetching, mending, storing, stacking and basically looking after everyone else’s every need, day after day, every day, non-stop – is CHUCKED Firmly in the garbage bins of patriarchal history. 

Sleep over if you dare, the family will adjust: That’s talking it to the next level girl. The classic party in the PJs requires you to sleep over, that’s why it’s also called the slumber fest. The deal doesn’t just end at food, fun and dance. The connection is way deeper and what better way to deepen bonds than the “3 am heart to hearts.” That is kind of the litmus party test. You just have to have the late-night H2Hs (maybe eventually, let’s not jump into things from day one and shock the system – that’s just too cruel, haha.) But eventually yes. It’s catharsis with a cherry on top where you talk of anything and everything that’s on your mind.

Start with a truth or dare to set the tempo. There’s just so much stuff bottled up sometimes that it’s nice to have a safe outlet once in a while with no worries and in a cozy group that shares the same crazies. Talk of anything, your fears, your achievements however tiny, your insecurities, anything that’s been bothering you, your crushes, your passions. It gives me goosebumps just thinking of munching chips & dips with my friends vibing this in my favourite dino PJ clinking cosmos and margaritas and whatever “brews” our mind at that Cinderella moment. 

And lest we forget…

For once, this also means “people” at home learn to sleep without you: People at home may include your partner to begin with coz more often than not we share the bed, then the kids, maybe in-laws, parents, siblings, pet poodle – the lot! Gradually even the “nosy” neighbours and guard bhaiyya. They better get used to seeing you getting back home the next morning with messy hair, PJs and a HUGE smile on your face after a well-earned evening of sheer celebration. 

And what did we celebrate? Just ourselves – surviving in a world that is stacked against many of us in ways that are still unfathomable to the majority. Just grabbing a few moments of togetherness with the squad. Just experiencing, even if for a bit, what “no care in the world” feels like. Just hammering that one tiny nail into the coffin of patriarchy as we collectively bury it notch by notch in the sands of time because girls, the fight as they say isn’t “about making women strong. Women are already strong. It’s about changing the way the world perceives that STRENGTH!”  

 Views expressed by the author are their own