Changing Gender Roles And Role Of Women In Bringing Up Resilient Children

The Wisdom Bridge by Kamlesh D. Patel, is a guide to stress-free parenting and raising resilient children and happy families. An excerpt:

All parents would like to be the best in raising children. So how do they do that? Research shows that one of the best predictors of parenting quality is marital quality. In simple terms, happy couples make good parents. That said, couples can’t be madly in love or blissfully happy in their relationship all the time. They’re not going to agree on every single thing. That’s why it’s so important to manage expectations.

Relationships hit rough water because of mismatched expectations. Especially expecting the other person to change doesn’t work. I am not saying people don’t change. What I am saying is accepting the other person as they are his the first step towards change.

I tell my young friends, ‘When you are in a relationship, focus on yourself. Everything you are expecting from the other person, ask yourself if you could offer that to your partner. The way you are today, do you love that version of yourself? My suggestion is you first build your own empire of moral qualities. Strengthen your moral muscles before you expect the same from the other.’

An attitude of self-improvement gives strength to a relationship. It shows that your ego is not rigid. Most of the time there’s friction in relationships because of the clashing egos. When the couple focuses on self-improvement, they give each other the space they need to adjust. In the process, they start developing a friendship.

Discover Friendship in Your Marriage

Couples who have a strong base of friendship in their relationship, enjoy life transitions including welcoming a new member into the family. Think of your best friend and how you spent time together. With your best friend, life did not feel serious. Days just passed by, and any minor squabble ended with both of you trying to out-appease the other. When a couple becomes friendly, accepting the other becomes easy. When there is acceptance, love grows in the relationship.

Becoming friends also helps the couple appreciate the small joys of life. Science also backs this idea. John Gottman of the prestigious Gottman Institute found that the real difference between couples who stuck together and those who didn’t wasn’t their ability to tackle big problems well, handle conflicts and manage communication. Instead, it was the small things that made a big difference. Drinking coffee together, sharing a sandwich, going out for a walk, doing a crossword, sharing house chores and so on. The dull and mundane stuff turned out to be the glue in the relationship. Couples who stayed together cherished the small moments. They took interest in each other. They were friends first, husband and wife second. Rediscover friendship in your relationship. If you are already friends, continue to deepen the friendship. Raising a family is an ongoing adjustment of lifestyles. Early on in the relationship if the couple develops mutual respect and appreciation for what each one does, it keeps the relationship harmonious.

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Do This

The partner’s support is vital for the mother. Simple things like helping out with the dishes, making a cup of tea, helping with the laundry gives the mother meaningful support. For the men who are reading this, try to do everything your wife does at home for a week. Getting the children ready, the chores and everything else. It will give you an appreciation of how much effort it takes to run the house.

And for the wives, who may not be paying attention to financial planning, investments and other tasks often handled by men, start taking interest. Taking interest and supporting each other will help strengthen the relationship.

Relationships Are Teamwork

One evening, during my walk, I saw an elderly couple sitting on a bench near the river. They shared a sandwich and had some water while watching the river. Then they got up and started walking on the trail along the river. They didn’t talk. They just held each other’s hand and continued walking for a long way. The harmony in their evening ritual was heartfelt.

Often people think that they have to talk and impress the other with their intellect and smart conversation. In an authentic relationship, one doesn’t need to impress the other person with words. Instead, the words are replaced with a reassuring silence. The desire to impress is overridden by the desire to care for the other. The care is expressed in one’s actions. In a heartfelt relationship, silence is the best expression of love. Through mere eye contact, this elderly couple conveyed volumes to one another. Their picnic lunch ritual was a masterclass in togetherness.

Relationships are teamwork. Think of your family and close friends as one team running the relay race. Father, mother, children, grandparents, close friends—all are part of the team. Each member runs their race and passes the baton. We cheer for each other and boost each other. Sometimes, the baton slips. But because a teammate fumbled, we don’t stop running. We don’t walk away from the race. Instead, we run harder to make up for the lost time. Couples who are friends work as a team. They look beyond their individual identities. They see their strength in unity, and they complement each other.

As a couple’s compatibility increases, they resonate with each other at a deeper level. Their relationship benefits not only them but those around them as well. We have all experienced this. Think of the awkward evening dinner with a couple that sparred over everything from parking to restaurant décor to which dessert to order. Spending time with such couples can drain one’s energy. Contrast this with an evening spent with   a friendly couple. Their banter, body language and ability to finish each other’s sentences inspire couples’ goals. The field of energy created in the two scenarios is of an opposing nature. One gives out an all-consuming and tiring vibration while the other gives a joyful and uplifting vibration.

Happy couples resonate better with each other, and their heart-mind fields create a welcoming space for a new soul to enter their lives.

Excerpted with permission from The Wisdom Bridge by Kamlesh D. Patel published by Penguin.

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