On The Edge: Shifting Focus On Buried Stories Of Same-Sex Desire

An important anthology, On the Edge is a first-of-its-kind collection of short stories & extracts from novels centred on the theme of same-sex desire. Translated from the original Hindi, it shifts focus on stories that have, for far too long, remained in the shadows.

The sixteen provocative stories featured here (published between 1927 and 2022) include classic works by Asha Sahay, Premchand, Ugra, Rajkamal Chaudhuri, Geetanjali Shree, Sara Rai and Rajendra Yadav, among others. An important anthology, On the Edge, shifts the focus on stories and characters who have, for far too long, remained in the shadows and brings them (and us) into the light.                                  

Below is an excerpt from On The Edge, edited and translated from Hindi by Ruth Vanita; and published by Penguin India.

I Want the Moon

Surendra Verma

[Set in the 1980s, this novel recounts the life of Varsha Vashisht (the name she chooses, discarding her given name, Yashoda Sharma). She is a college student in a small UP town, Shahjahanpur. Her family is lower-middle-class, struggling with financial problems. She has a younger sister, an unsympathetic older brother who is married and a younger brother, Kishore, who is supportive. Her teacher, Divya Katyal, inspires her to make a life for herself. She acts in plays directed by Divya and works as a model for a local sari shop, facing violence from her father and brother. She applies to the National School of Drama, Delhi, against her family’s wishes. Divya reluctantly marries and has a daughter, Priya, and Varsha has several male lovers. Divya and Varsha keep visiting each other. Divya brings all the furnishings for Varsha’s first apartment. Varsha becomes a successful stage actor and then a major film star, and wins the Padma Shri. Varsha finally becomes pregnant by her upper-class, politically radical lover, Harsh, and keeps the child, though Harsh dies. The child is a boy. Varsha and Divya’s relationship is the primary one throughout the novel.]

* Extracts from the novel Mujhe Chand Chahiye, published by Bharatiya Jnanpith in 1993.

Had Miss Divya Katyal not come into her life, she would either have committed suicide or else become the harsh, depressed life partner of some clerk, and the mother of four or five children.

When Varsha was in the intermediate, Miss Katyal came to the college—from Lucknow. She was fair and attractive. Sometimes, in a churidar-kamiz, she would appear an alluring girl, and at other times, in a sari, a dignified lady.

[Divya invites Varsha to her house.] A simple but attractive sitting room. Comfortable furniture and soothing colours. There were three oil paintings on the walls. As the strains of ‘Abhi to Main Jawan Hoon’ faded away, the record slipped down and the words of ‘Hard Day’s Night’ emerged. What a colourful world this was.

A mild scent wafted from Divya’s body; she wondered what its name was.

‘Have you seen a soda bottle being opened?’ Divya asked with a faint smile. ‘The cork needs to be pulled out for the flood in you to flow. You need a medium of expression—try the stage.’

[Before the play.] Varsha bowed low before her. ‘Goddess!

Accept your servant’s greetings.’

Miss Katyal smiled at her, then lightly took her in her arms and kissed her forehead.

As if floating along, she ran into Miss Katyal in the wings, who hugged her tight and kissed her cheek. These two kisses were much discussed in the college staffroom. Professor Upreti, the philosophy teacher, said, ‘When women teachers from the big city come here, they always bring germs of some dangerous disease with them.’

‘Who is this Miss Katyal?’ her brother asked, in a tone so insulting that she could not restrain herself.

‘My teacher, my friend [saheli], my everything.’ She met her brother’s eyes.

‘You go to her house often, and even stay the night there?’ ‘Yes, I love her company.’

Sunday was now her favourite day. From Monday morning, a part of her started waiting for Sunday.

Sometimes they would stay at home and listen to music. Sometimes they would go to the market with a long shopping list. Sometimes Miss Katyal would make notes for her research and Varsha would study. Sometimes they would make paneer parathas or egg curry [. . .] Sometimes they would take sandwiches and a thermos of coffee, and visit a ruin fifty miles from town or walk in a mango orchard. If Miss Katyal was invited to Dr Singhal’s, Professor Chaudhari’s or anyone else’s house, Varsha would accompany her.

Professor Upreti would be heard whispering in the staffroom, ‘Immoral conduct right on the college campus.’

[Varsha hears that Miss Katyal is returning to Lucknow, because her mother insists that she get married.]

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