A Story Of A Modern Indian Marriage

Boys Don't Cry by Meghna Pant talks about what goes behind the closed doors in a modern Indian marriage.

IT BEGAN with a silly argument. We both were eating dinner in front of the TV. I had cooked curd rice. He said it tasted awful. I agreed with him. The quality of my cooking was declining as rapidly as my mental health. He told me to make something else. I decided to push back, as I had with his mother. I told him he could make his own food since he was at home all day watching TV. This made him furious. He started shouting about how I was ill-treating him.

‘You even made a face when I asked you to talk to Dad in the evening,’ he said.

‘Suneet, I was in the middle of writing an article so I can pay for this rice,’ I said, ‘and then I was in the middle of cooking the damn thing. I’ve been working the entire day!’

This is why we have problems in our marriage. Because you have no respect for my family,’ he continued. ‘You are so––’

‘Suneet, stop! Just stop! Stop blaming everything else for what’s wrong in our marriage. Fuck your family. Fuck the food. Fuck the university. This isn’t about them. This is about us.’

‘How dare you? How dare you say “fuck your family” to me. After all the love they’ve given you. You’re nothing but an ungrateful whore.’

‘Don’t you dare speak to me that way,’ I said, completely losing my temper. ‘I am sick of you treating me like shit. Talking to me like I’m garbage. You cannot do this to your own wife. Don’t you have any shame?’

‘If you’re so traumatized, why don’t you do something about it?’

‘What can I do?’ What could I do? ‘I’m married to you. I’m stuck. It’s not some college romance where I can break-up and carry on.’

‘You’re not stuck. Leave me. It’s easy.’

‘How can I leave you when you’re like this?’

‘Like what?’

‘Down and out.’

‘Are you staying married to me out of pity?’

‘Oh my god! Is that what you want to hear, Suneet? That I’m staying because I pity you? Not because I love you?’

‘I cannot believe you would say that to me.’

‘Say what? Suneet, I don’t get it. Why do you play victim in every possible scenario? Why do you think everyone is out to get you?’

‘It’s a cruel world.’

‘No, it’s not. You choose to see things that way. You’ve had a great life. You’ve gone to the best schools in India, Dubai and the US. You’ve had great jobs. You’re good-looking and intelligent. You have a family and wife who love you. You should be happy! Instead, you’re always angry! Why do you find reasons to be miserable? Why do you twist facts to your convenience when the truth is good enough?’

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‘Like I did with the university?’

This guy was frustrating to talk to!

‘I don’t know what went down with your university because you suddenly left me out of the process, remember?’

‘Are you saying that I deserved to get expelled?’

‘I don’t know what you deserved! I don’t even know what happened!’

‘I cannot believe you’d say that! You’re so––’

‘You know what, Suneet? Maybe you did deserve being thrown out of your university. Maybe you should’ve also been thrown out of this country. But how would I know when you never talk to me about anything?’

‘I don’t talk to you because you don’t talk sense, Maneka.’

‘I can’t do this anymore! I am not a robot made to service your family and you. I have feelings and emotions, and I get hurt. I’ve tolerated too much. Fuck this shit.’

I got up from the sofa and the bowl I was eating in broke. Shards of glass fell near his feet.

‘Are you trying to hurt me, you bitch!’ he shouted. He stood up.

Instinctively, I knew what was coming next.

As he came towards me, like a raging bull, I warned him, ‘Suneet, don’t you dare do what I think you’re going to do.’

He didn’t stop. His eyes had turned sinister. His nostrils were flaring. His fist was in the air. I stood my ground. This time I would not be submissive. This time I would fight back. For women everywhere. When he came near me, I held out my hands to stop him and pushed his chin. I couldn’t go any higher. He was six feet tall, I was three inches above five feet. But I was too furious to care.

‘You bitch! Your nails! You’ve scratched me!’ he shouted.

He pushed me back and punched me hard across my face. Everything turned black for a moment. My glasses flew across the room. My skull shook. My cheeks were burning. My entire face felt like it was on fire.

Excerpted with permission from Boys Don’t Cry By Meghna Pant.

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