Verbal Violence: When Words Hit as Hard as Actions

"Violence" basically means the use of brute force to cause harm to a person or property. This force can be physical or verbal, and the damage can be either physical or psychological. The incidences of physical and sexual violence are alarmingly common in our society. Hence, the fact that violence can be verbal as well, never crosses our minds.  But what exactly is verbal abuse? Using sexual expletives in fights and small talks? Shouting at someone in private or public? Threatening someone of physical harm? It is everything of the above and a lot more.

Men and women often engage in verbal violence, without realizing that what they are saying is abusive.

Verbal abuse can be used to define a wide range of behaviours such as:

• Countering - Arguing with a person and putting down his or her thoughts, feeling, perception and experience.
• Discounting - Minimizing a person’s achievements.
• Disguising jibes as jokes.
• Verbally blocking a person’s attempts at communication.
• Repeatedly forgetting mutual arrangements and agreements.
• Blame - Accusing a person of abuser’s own behaviour or setbacks in life.
• Being overly critical and judgemental.
• Trivialising a person’s concern, thoughts and actions.
• Undermining a person’s self-esteem and confidence.
• Threatening a person of physical harm and grievous consequences.
• Name calling using foul words to address a person

Such behaviour is not just restricted to relationships. It is common in offices, schools, playgrounds and even in public transports. We often ignore such behaviour and deem it as a way of letting out frustration. But this trivialization only encourages the abusers, who seldom realize how damaging their words are to their victim's mental well-being.

Psychologist Meenal Varangaokar, who works as a counsellor at Gokuldham High School, in Goregaon (Mumbai) says, " Verbal violence or verbal abuse does not leave back any physical bruise. However, it can have detrimental psychological effects such as lower self-esteem and confidence, withdrawal from social interaction, becoming aggressive and displacement of anger on others. It can even lead to depression and suicidal thoughts."

Many abusers often argue that they abuse purely out of habit, and usually don’t intend to carry out their verbal threats.

Verbal violence is both a problem and an indication of deeper unresolved psychological issues.

The most critical action in dealing with verbal violence is confronting the abusers. Further, we should make them realize the nature of their words is hurtful. Moreover, peers should recommend counselling to people who fail to resolve issues on their own. Also, the governing bodies should mandate appointment of counsellors in schools, colleges and offices. We also need to create awareness about Non-Violent Communication among parents, teachers and children alike.

We can use words to express love, concern, gratitude, affection and grief or we can use them to hurt and berate others. All we need to do is to give it some thought and chose our words wisely.

(Picture Credit: op-edaily.com)

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