Breaking Free: Why "Good Girls" Need to Say No More Often

“Good girl syndrome” is a behavioural stereotype predominantly displayed by women and girls. In this stereotype, the woman attempts to please everyone, abide by societal rules, and avoid all confrontation – which is detrimental to her felt needs, desires and welfare. This kind of behaviour can be attributed to society, parental influence or self. For most women and some men who seek how to overcome “the good girl syndrome”, it entails acknowledging and confronting the ingrained self and social constructs, practising self-care and balance, and leaning on oneself or other individuals for assistance, but never sacrificing oneself. Therapy, self-help literature, and the presence of supportive relatives and friends can be useful in this respect.

Confronting the issues of being a 'good girl'

The challenging art of ‘good girl syndrome’ recovery is a long and arduous process that tests one’s self-discipline. Be gentle with yourself in the course of healing - it is natural to put one's own needs prima facie. Here is how you can almost ward off the good girl syndrome - self-introspection. 

1) Inculcating self-care rituals- Employing and repeating daily positive affirmation phrases can serve as a motivation and a catalyst toward this goal. 

2) Recognise your progress: Savor the success which you have achieved in recognising every milestone you have achieved, no matter how little it is, is worthy of celebration! Establishing a daily routine of appreciating yourself and reflecting on how far you have come can strengthen your belief in your abilities.

3) Clearly and respectfully express your needs, preferences, and limits, even if it means saying no or voicing a disagreement. It's important to establish boundaries to ensure healthy relationships.

4) Master the art of saying no: Recognise that it's perfectly fine to turn down requests or invitations that don't match your priorities or values. Refusing doesn't reflect poorly on you; in fact, it's an important skill for preserving your time, energy, and emotional well-being.

5) Seek Support: Contact supportive family members or friends or seek guidance from a therapist who can support you and help you through this challenging period of self-discovery and growth.

6) Allocate some time towards health, interests, and things that give you pleasure and contentment.

Letting go of the good girl syndrome in the workplace

1) Put in place a Support Network: Engage with friends, relatives, or workmates who respect your limits and inspire you to take care of yourself.

2) Criticise the conventional view of women being typical supporting or submissive figures. Confront limiting beliefs by recognizing and examining ingrained ideas or societal norms regarding women's roles or the need to conform to traditional notions of being "good." Evaluate whether these beliefs enhance your well-being and determine if they stem from outdated or unrealistic standards.

3) Practice what you preach: Building and respecting limits will protect your wellbeing, but you will also be a beacon of strength and positive behaviour to the people in your life - your friends, families, and colleagues.

4) Respect yourself: You get to understand and appreciate your needs, feelings and limitations and accept that everyone is entitled to respect, irrespective of society or the traditional roles defined for men and women. Stand confident with your self-assurance and put your health first.

5) Boundaries are very important in all aspects including relationships, work, and even personal time. In fact, one should take the initiative to create these boundaries in every case in order to defend his or her physical, emotional as well as mental health.

If you find it difficult to establish or maintain boundaries, you might want to seek professional help. Coaches and counsellors can provide support and validation as well as teach you effective strategies. Keep in mind that boundaries need to be set for personal care and empowerment which is vital in dealing with relationships and one’s health.

Trust yourself and your self-worth, and do not hesitate to draw the line when it comes to your personal space.

7) Expect Backlash: When it comes to setting boundaries, be ready for backlash especially if people are accustomed to you putting their interests before yours. Stay firm on your boundaries and be prepared to enforce them if necessary.

Confronting ‘good girl syndrome’ frequently calls for an all-encompassing approach in which one recognises and addresses cognitive and behavioural patterns that have been internalized. 

Views expressed by the author are their own.