What Is Micro-Cheating And How Is It Different From A Full-Fledged Affair?

When we think of a cheating partner, our mind straight away goes to them having a sexual relationship with another person. But cheating actually starts long before a person has a full-blown affair or goes on to sex outside of marriage or their committed relationship. This is called micro-cheating, a form of emotional infidelity which may pave the way to full-fledged cheating. While this doesn't involve physical intimacy, it may involve the exchange of sexually charged messages or videos or any other form of signalling to let the other person know that they are sexually or romantically interested.

Micro-cheating might also involve having close emotional investments with another person which, if left unchecked, may lead to problems in a relationship. Every relationship has a different definition of what can be termed as cheating based on the mutual agreement of exclusivity. So, what can be termed as micro-cheating one a relationship can also be seen as usual by another couple.

While most people do not treat emotional affairs as cheating since they do not involve any physical intimacy, it is rather the breach of the emotional trust that causes greater damage in most cases.

What Can Be Counted As Micro-Cheating?

Various behaviours can be counted as micro-cheating, including something as significant as paying more attention to a specific person, or downloading a dating app secretly on your mobile phone 'just to have a look'. But it isn't limited to only monogamous relationships. If partners in open relationships have secret emotional relationships with their flings then it can be counted as micro-cheating. While in polyamorous relationships, hiding a new partner deliberately can count as micro-cheating.

There is a pattern here: micro-cheating involves keeping information from your current partner/s, especially the kind that could change their outlook towards you or your relationship. As Dr Robert Weiss puts it in his article for Psychology Today, "Cheating, micro or otherwise, is less about the behavior and more about lies and the keeping of secrets and how those lies and secrets impact your partner."

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Are You Micro-Cheating?

Try asking these questions to yourself: Are you prioritising someone else over your partner? Are you making excuses to find more time for this person to meet them or to have a chat? When something good or bad happens, is this the first person to know about it, even before your partner?

If the answer is YES, then chances are that you might be micro-cheating on your partner. However, since there are different parameters of infidelity in each relationship, it's better to talk and clarify the concept of boundaries with your partner, before holding yourself accountable

How To Deal With Micro-Cheating?

The best way is to have an honest conversation with your partner about the issue. If you suspect your partner has close connections with someone which you feel are inappropriate, communicate with them freely so that they know where to set a boundary. However, if you are the one seeking pleasure in the company of another, communicate the gap between the two of you and work on it together to build a stronger relationship.

Talk about boundaries again. AND AGAIN. As people grow, their perceptions about relationships and infidelity are likely to change. So the parameter of cheating is likely to change over time as well. Keep having conversations about infidelity regularly to keep each other in the loop without leaving any chances for misunderstandings.

Views expressed are the author's own.